Fernando Pessoa

ANTINOUS


The rain outside was cold in Hadrian's soul.

The boy lay dead
On the low couch, on whose denuded whole,
To Hadrian's eyes, whose sorrow was a dread,
The shadowy light of Death's eclipse was shed.

The boy lay dead, and the day seemed a night
Outside. The rain fell like a sick affright
Of Nature at her work in killing him.
Memory of what he was gave no delight,
Delight at what he was was dead and dim.

O hands that once had clasped Hadrian's warm hands,
Whose cold now found them cold!
O hair bound erstwhile with the Pressing bands!
O eyes half-diffidently bold!
O bare female male-body such
As a god's likeness to humanity!
O lips whose opening redness erst could touch
Lust's seats with a live art's variety!
O fingers skilled in things not to be told!
O tongue which, counter-tongued, made the blood bold!

SPELL

From the moonlit brink of dreams
I stretch foiled hands to thee,
O borne down other streams
Than eye can think to see!
O crowned with spirit beams!
O veiled spirituality!

My dreams and thoughts abate
Their pennons at thy feet.
O angel born too late
For fallen man to meet!
In what new sensual state
Could our twined lives feel sweet?

What new emotion must
I dream to think thee mine?
What purity of lust?
O tendrilled as a vine
Around my caressed trust!
O dream-pressed spirit-wine!

This covers me, that erst had the blue sky.
This soil treads me, that once I trod. My hand
Put these inscriptions here, half knowing why;
Last, and hence seeing all, of the passing band.


Lisbon, 1920

LULLABY *

My heart is full of lazy pain
And an old English lullaby
Comes out of that mist of my brain.

Upon my lap my sovereign sits
And sucks upon my breast;
Meantime his love maintains my life
And gives my sense her rest.
Sing lullaby, my little boy,
Sing lullaby, mine only joy!

I would give all my singing trade
To be the distant English child
For whom this happy song was made.

When thou hast taken thy repast,
Repose, my babe, on me;
So may thy mother and thy nurse
Thy cradle also be.
Sing lullaby, my little boy,
Sing lullably, mine only joy!

There must have been true happiness
Near where this song was sung to small
White hands clutching a mother's dress.

I grieve that duty doth not work
All that my wishing would,
Because I would not be to thee
But in the best I should.
Sing lullaby, my little boy,
Sing lullaby, mine only joy!

O what a sorrow comes to me
Knowing the bitterness I have
While that child had this lullaby!

Yet as I am, and as I may,
I must and will be thine,
Though all too little for thy self
Vouchsafing to be mine,
Sing lullaby, my little boy,
Sing lullaby, mine only joy!

My heart aches to be able to weep.
O to think of this song being sung
And the child smiling in its sleep!

Upon my lap my sovereign sits
And sucks upon my breast;
Meantime his love maintains my life
And gives my sense her rest.
Sing lullaby, my little boy,
Sing lullaby, mine only joy!

I was a child too, but would now
Be the child, and no other hearing
This song low-breathed upon its brow.

When thou hast taken thy repast,
Repose, my babe, on me,
So may thy mother and thy nurse
Thy cradle also be.
Sing lullaby, my little boy,
Sing lullaby, mine only joy!

O that I could return to that
Happy time that was never mine
And which I live but to regret!

I grieve that duty doth not work
All that my wishing would,
Because I would not be to thee
But in the best I should.
Sing lullaby, my little boy,
Sing lullaby, mine only joy!

Ay, sing on in my soul, old voice,
So motherfully laying to sleep
The babe that quietly doth rejoice.

Yet as I am, and as I may,
I must and will be thine,
Though all too little for thy self
Vouchsafing to be mine.
Sing lullaby, my little boy,
Sing lullaby, mine only joy!

Sing on and let my heart not weep
Because sometime a child could have
This song to lull him into sleep!

Yet as I am, and as I may,
I must and will be thine,
Though all too little for thy self
Vouchsafing to be mine.
Sing lullaby, my little boy,
Sing lullaby, mine only joy!

Somehow somewhere I heard this song,
I was part of the happiness
That lived its idle lines along.

Yet as I am, and as I may,
I must and will be thine,
Though all too little for thy self
Vouchsafing to be mine.
Sing lullaby, my little boy
Sing lullaby, mine only joy!

Ay, somehow, somewhere I was that
Child, and my heart lay happy asleep.
Now – oh my sad and unknown fate!


* The «Lullaby» quoted is the 134th. poem in Palgrave's Golden Treasury. It was taken by him from Martin Peerson's Private Music, a Song-Book of 1620. The «Lullaby» is here given twice over, and the last stanza twice again.

Hang with festoons and wreaths and coronals
The corridors and halls!
Be there all round the sound of gay bells ringing!
Let there be echoing singing!
Pour out like a libation all your joy!
Shout, even ye children, little maid and boy
Whose belly yet unfurred yet whitely decks
A sexless thing of sex!
Shout out as if ye knew what joy this is
You clap at in such bliss!

SUMMER MOMENTS

I

The sky is blue
The glad grass green.
My sad eyes woo
The alien scene.

O could my heart
Partake of it
And feel no smart
Feeling life flit!

I have no home,
No hours save pain.
Sweet breezes, come
Into my brain!

Great river so
Quiet and true,
Teach me to go
Through life like you!

I have no rest.
My flowers have faded.
What was that quest
My will evaded?

Even what I wish
I care not for.
My heart is rich
And my love poor.

O golden day,
Come into me
And my soul ray
With sunlit glee!

Let me be merely
A window-pane
You pass through, clearly
A warmed no-pain.

I faint and shiver
Hearing life come.
O passing river,
Where is my home?

O happy hours
That the fields wear,
Fresh summer showers!
O my despair!

O glad horizons!
O happy hills!
What pain imprisons
My struggling wills?

What is between
Myself and me?
What should have been
Lest this should be?

My life no more
Ever to be
Than a lone shore
Struck by the sea!

What fate, what power
Of dark despair
Makes each fair hour
Taste as not fair?

O for some rest!
Give me a home,
A hope, a nest
Not to stray from!

Somewhere in life
Sure there must be
Something not strife
Waiting for me.

Lead me to it,
O happy day!
Make my heart fit
Thy going away!

Wake me the hopes
At least, though false.
My spirit gropes
Round prison-walls.

Low voice of streams,
Sweet summer's wife –
Why made I dreams
My only life?

Set the great Flemish hour aflame!
Your senses of all leisure maim!
Cast down with blows that joy even where they hurt
The hands that mock to avert!
All things pick up to bed that lead ye to
Be naked that ye woo!
Tear up, pluck up, like earth who treasure seek,
When the chest's ring doth peep,
The thoughts that cover thoughts of the acts of heat
This great day does intreat!
Now seem all hands pressing the paps as if
They meant them juice to give!
Now seem all things pairing on one another,
Hard flesh soft flesh to smother,
And hairy legs and buttocks balled to split
White legs mid which they shift.
Yet these mixed mere thoughts in each mind but speak
The day's push love to wreak,
The man's ache to have felt possession,
The woman's man to have on,
The abstract surge of life clearly to reach
The bodies' concrete beach.
Yet some work of this doth the real day don.
Now are skirts lifted in the servants' hall,
And the whored belly's stall
Ope to the horse that enters in a rush,
Half late, too near the gush.
And even now doth an elder guest emmesh
A flushed young girl in a dark nook apart,
And leads her slow to move his produced flesh.
Look how she likes with something in her heart
To feel her hand work the protruded dart!

SONNET

Could I say what I think, could I express
My every hidden and too-silent though,
And bring my feelings, in perfection wrought,
To one unforced point of living stress.

Could I breathe forth my soul, could I confess
The inmost secrets to my nature brought;
I might be great, yet none to me hath taught
A language well to figure my distress.

Yet day and night to me new whispers bring,
And night, and day from me old whispers take...
Oh for a word, one phrase in which to fling

All that I think and feel, and so to wake
The world; but I am dumb and cannot sing,
Dumb as You clouds before the thunders break.

Alexander Search, May 1904

A low, sad wind fills the lone night
With its one solitary sound.
I have forgotten what delight
Delight has, in the vague around
All sleep is consecrated ground.

Alas for all I ever hoped!
The sheep crop what it lies beneath.
Its grave is where the mountain sloped
When mountains were, but now the heath
Is all the life above its death.

Moan, solitary wind that wakes
When the day sleeps! Moan vague and low!
That which I never was now slakes
Its thirst where reeds cluster round lakes
Of silence, or mute rivers go.

To-morrow shall be yesterday
Lest life forget what it is ever.
I shall myself cast this away
That I am now, and myself sever
From what of me weeps by this river.

This river of the haunted night
That under stars I do not see
Has neither purpose nor delight.
Moan, solitary wind, and be
This life’s unchanging, shoreless sea!

13/3/1933

now takes
Its sleep where reeds dip into lakes

VIII

Ah quantas máscaras e submáscaras,
Usamos nós no rosto de alma, e quando,
Por jogo apenas, ela tira a máscara,
Sabe que a última tirou enfim?
De máscaras não sabe a vera máscara,
E lá de dentro fita mascarada.
Que consciência seja que se afirme,
O aceite uso de afirmar-se a ensona.
Como criança que ante o espelho teme,
As nossas almas, crianças, distraídas,
Julgam ver outras nas caretas vistas
E um mundo inteiro na esquecida causa;
E, quando um pensamento desmascara,
Desmascarar não vai desmascarado.

When I do think my meanest line shall be
More in Time's use than my creating whole,
That future eyes more clearly shall feel me
In this inked page than in my direct soul;
When I conjecture put to make me seeing
Good readers of me in some aftertime,
Thankful to some idea of my being
That doth not even my with gone true soul rime;
An anger at the essence of the world,
That makes this thus, or thinkable this-wise,
Takes my soul by the throat and makes it hurled
In nightly horrors of despaired surmise,
And I become the mere sense of a rage
That lacks the very words whose waste might 'suage.

Disappointment, my old friend,
I had forgot thou wert with me.
Forgive me. I did half pretend,
Deceiving ill my misery,
That thou hadst gone. Forgive me thou.
Thou old true friend, thou'rt with me now!

Despair, my old companion sure,
Thou too - though not forgotten quite -
Yet for a moment I had fewer
Thoughts of thee - somewhat of respite.
Entirely to forget thee were
Impossible. Friend, thou art here!

And thou, old comrade, Solitude,
Bare of affection and of hope,
Thou twin with me - I were quite rude
Were I to omit by thee to stop
And play the game of cares and fears?...
Why come ye to shame me, oh tears?

REGRET

I would that I were again a child
And a child you sweet and pure,
That we might be free and wild
In our consciousness obscure;
That we might play fantastic games
Under trees silent and shady,
That we might have fairy-book names,
I be a lord, you a lady.

And all were a strong ignorance
And a healthy want of thought,
And many a prank, many a dance
Our unresting feet had wrought;
And I would act well a clown's part
To your childish laughter winning,
And I would call you my sweetheart
And the name would have no meaning.

Or sitting close we each other would move
With tales that now gone are sad;
We would have no sex, would feel no love,
Good without fighting the bad.
And a flower would be our life's delight
And a nutshell boat our treasure:
We would lock it in a cupboard at night
As in memory a pleasure.

We would spend hours and days like a wealth
Of goodness too great to cloy,
We would deep enjoy innocence and health
Knowing not we did enjoy...
Ah, what bitterest is is that alone
Now one feeling in me I trace –
That knowledge of what from us hath gone
And of what it left in its place.


Alexander Search

May 29th. 1907

THE ABYSS

BETWEEN me and my consciousness
Is an abyss
At whose invisible botton runs
The noise of a stream far from (...)
Whose very sound is dark and cold –
Ay, on some skin of our soul's deeming,
Cold and dark and terribly old,
Itself, and not in its told seeming.

My hewing has become my seeing
Of that placelessly sunken stream.
Its noiseless noise is ever freeing
My thought from my thught's power to dream.
Some dread reality belongs
To that stream of mute obstruct songs
That speak of no reality
But of its going to no sea.
Lo! with the eyes of my dreamed hearing
I hear the unseen river bearing
Along to where it goes not to
All things my thought is made of – Thought
Itself, and the World, and God who
On that impossible stream float.

Ay, the ideas of God, of World,
Of Myself and of Mystery,
As from some unknown rampart hurled,
Go down with that strewn to that sea
It has not and shall never reach
And belong to its night-bound motion.
Yet oh for that sun on the beach
Of that unattainable ocean!

Now at the doorway of the coming year,
Ye nymphs do gather and the garlands twine
That heroes' sons will bear
Fifty years hence in their remembering hands
And of their fathers speak with shining eyes
And of the war that stained the lands.

Weave ye the garlands, for the fame will pass,
And their grandchildren of grandchildren will
No more remember, neither care
Who their ancestor was
Who did that old crown, now scarce a crown, bear
For all must pass, that Time may have his fill.

Weave ye the garlands therefore, for this hour
Will not survive beyond the memory
Of those yet near to it who have the power
The hour somewhat like what it was to see.
Weave ye the garlands, weave
That their memory may live
Awhile, and if that mean that fame is nought,
Weave still the garlands with a gentle thought,
For weaving them, know ye
What to Time's elder shades you yet may give.
The days are heavy with the blood of men,
The year reels like a shattered wall
When the wind comes out of the caves of night.
Our minds are equal with the shaking...
We know not on what power to call
Or which side of the Truth lies right.

Alas! alas! all sides are right in war,
And that impartial vision born of peace,
And that the Gods alone can have,
Lives only in our wish that dim wars mar,
Breathes only in the halls of our release
From all the human things for which we crave.

But these are thoughts, and life is grief and fear.
Weave ye the garlands, lest the coming year
Forget, like ye, the fallen to remember
And the victors to greet.
Weave ye the garlands made
Of some strange flower that lasts unto December
And lay them at Fate's unseen feet.

Ay, for not for the heroes nor the slain
Weave ye the garlands woven with your pain.
Not for the fallen do your cheeks awhile
Flush then grow pale and your proud pain smile.
Not for a man nor for a nation do
Your garlands outreach Time
Perhaps and in eternal regions chime
With the sense of their fame who were e'er true.

For Fate alone all garlands woven are.
Unto Fate's feet the rivers of our tears
Perennial run, nor is there aught more far
Alas! than mere Fate that outwits the sun,
And that in circles round its empty name
Carries the vain course of our sterile fame
And great men as great nations equal lead
Vainly around the frame
Of nothing, like a wind along a mead.

Yet, whether for some man or for no man,
Whether for personal hopes or Fate no one,
Your garlands weave, lest the year come und span
With days fame‑empty the task e'er begun.
Weave garlands, green glad garlands, garlands sad,
Garlands of all sorts, if they glory mean,
Carry your woven garlands to their grave...
The rest is something that cannot be had -
The void as of a ship sunk nor more seen
Beneath the wave.

God made my shivering nerves His human lyre,
A lyre whose curves in angels' faces end.
When God doth sing the song's invisible fire
And half-visible wings over it bend.

Fountain of incorruptible desire!
Gold-misted green isle where my bark doth tend!
My soul, rich with electedness, doth tire
My sense o) me with aches with God to blend.

But lo! to live is to be blent with God
Already. We need nought but life, all life.
Pain, evil, hale, lust, treachery, the rod
Of custom, the bypath of dreams, the knife

Grief hideth till it cut her, the delight
Of death – all these we God's willed spite.

ALENTEJO SEEN FROM THE TRAIN

Nothing with nothing around it
And a few trees in between
None of which very clearly green,
Where no river or flower pays a visit.
If there be a hell, I've found it,
For if ain't here, where the Devil is it?

1907

THE LIP

One day in half-slumbrous raving
Where I saw strange fancies skip,
I saw in a dream, by no light's gleam,
A man with only one lip –
Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely,
Absolutely with only one lip.

I remember well that he had no face
Nor a nose with a usual tip;
He had nor eyes, nor cheks, nor hair
But only, only one lip –
Only one, only one, only one,
Only one, one, one lip.

Can ye think of it without terror?
No other lip did slip
Into the vision, nor was it a lack:
There was only, only one lip.
Could you see him as I you would grow mad.
That man with only one lip.


Alexander Search

January, 2nd 1908

LA CHERCHEUSE

Pale with the sense of being mortal,
Now dost thou, passing yearning's glades,
Knock with cold hands at the hushed portal
Of the closed palace of the shades.
Thy hands fall and thy wide eyes grope.
Oh, let me kiss thy feet and hope!

Let us not wish to understand,
Bravely despair even of despair,
Cold unfelt hand in cold dead hand,
Let us set out for mere Somewhere,
With bodies by the cold made none,
By nigh to invisibleness done.

Perhaps, thus losing earthly goal,
Our sense of us numbed to innerness,
Sudden we shall find ourselves all Soul,
Hand in hand spirits, waked to bliss,
Having, through some Gate not in space,
Lo! Lapsed to everlasting grace.

MEANTIME

Far away, far away,
Far away from here...
There is no worry after joy
Or away from fear
Far away from here.

Her lips were not very red,
Nor her hair quite gold.
Her hands played with rings.
She did not let me hold
Her hands playing with gold.

She is something past,
Far away from pain.
Joy can touch her not, nor hope
Enter her domain,
Neither love in vain.

Perhaps at some day beyond
Shadows and light
She will think of me and make
All me a delight
All away from sight.

ON AN ANKLE

A SONNET BEARING THE IMPRIMATUR
OF THE INQUISITOR-GENERAL
AND OTHER PEOPLE OF DISTINCTION AND DECENCY

I had a revelation not from high,
But from below, when thy skirt awhile lifted
Betrayed such promise that I am not gifted
With words that may that view well signify.

And even if my verse that thing would try,
Hard were it, if that work came to be sifted,
To find a word that rude would not have shifted
There from the cold hand of Morality.

To gaze is nought; mere sight no mind hath wrecked.
But oh! sweet lady, beyond what is seen
What things may guess or hint at Disrespect?!

Sacred is not the beauty of a queen...
I from thine ankle did as much suspect
As you from this may suspect what I mean.

Here the accursed poet lies,
Hid far from the pure blue skies;
Mixed with mud filth he lies
At the bottom of the stream.
He dreamed many a strange dream.
He loved mankind but he did nought
For mankind's good. Vain was his thought.
He would be loved and he was not.
The sun in morn or evening glow
Can reach him not where deep he lies
With mud and filth far from the skies.
He ached to feel, he ached to know.
He did aspire to what should last
Beyond the time that did it show.
Full of the giant city's waste
The river over him doth flow.
Dark over him flows the river.
Down to him no light can go.
        Damn'd be he for ever!

Pity? No! I wish not pity.
That were but a bitterer scorn,
Disdain ruthlessly made witty
With a serious look to strain
Its awful joke. No; let me mourn
In peace. Pity me not again!

Pity? No! Let more scorn come,
More indifference, more disdain:
These are the conforts of my home.
To change their look to pity were too far
To make me feel a direr pain.
Pretend not good: it cannot be.
Let evils all seem as they are.
To mask them were a mockery
Heartless and evilly rare.

I have no reason to love mankind,
Nor, alas! mankind one to love me;
To all its vileness I am not blind,
And all vileness it well can see.

If my hatred in words ne'er wreak
I know, as none do, ununderstood
It is of all men; were I to speak,
As unknown of them remain it would.

So, all in instinct, a mutual hate,
Hid under smiling, we bear each other.
All mankind's kindness well I can rate;
And I hate each man, and call him brother'.

For thee, the veil of the temple is rent
And the holy of holies laid bare...
Hath mystery thy being spent
With tragic muteness eloquent;
Or with the horror living there
        Is thy dead spirit blent?

Whate'er contains now thy vision's scope,
Howe'er it be, thou canst not be mad
At shadows dread for which we grope,
And at thy heart together did fade
The pleasure that doth make us sad
        And the pain that makes us hope.

A curtain hides the mystery
That in the world is known to be,
Mute-horrid as impending thunder,
From eyes unsensual that would see
Behind it things for more than wonder -
A curtain past whose living folds
His court of shadows Horror holds.

And he that curtain who shall part
But in his mind, will feel the heart
Grow weak before the irony
That Nothingness pains more the heart
Than things that are or seem to be,
That Nothingness can give a fear,
A sorrow nothing can give here.

Mystery, mystery is here
That brings a joy with a fear.

Oh, that Death should greater be
Than Time and Space and all we see,
That Change should deeper be than thought
And Time, like a portentous tomb,
Should feel corruption in its womb
        Yet itself crumble like its rot!

For e'en the sepulchre's cold stones
Shall have a death like the dead bones
They shut in.
        (What coffer can lock
Corruption out? or rottenness
What wit with cell and bolt can mock?)

Ay, even marble shall like bodies die
A death, shall have an end. The passer-by
        Shall tread the dust of the stone
                That on the grave did lie,
                In dust now like each bone.
        For to Corruption all must go,
        The difference in this alone:
        That some things rot quick and some slow.

Ay, the hard stone will wear away
Making the day when it was rock
Unreal as a distant day.

Only a Shadow none do know,
By the lock'd door of Time and Space,
With obscure and peculiar grace
        Keeps watch never to go.

I

We pass and dream. Earth smiles. Virtue is rare.
Age, duty, gods weigh on our conscious bliss.
Hope for the best and for the worst prepare.
The sum of purposed wisdom speaks in this.

Play on with that music all lonely
Wandering through me like a breeze
Half‑lost in the calm of night,
A melody half‑heard only
Like the sound of stupendous seas
That in motion feel a delight.

For in thy rhythm soft pealing,
For thou in that meterless rhyme
Awakest in me a spirit stress,
A widening, deadening of feeling
That is to my normal consciousness
As Eternity is to Time.

She

If every tear of mine were gold
        And every sigh a tear,
Wouldst thou not then with kisses bold
        Entrap them falling clear?
If at each word I spoke of love
        Pearls rained from out the air,
How pleasant would to thee then prove
        To hear me speak for e'er!

He

If at each look of love I cast
        A cheque were signed and made,
If each tear's ending were the last
Touch of received and paid;
If each soft glance were a banknote
        And the same every sigh.
Wouldst thou not have me learn by rote
        Love's shows of misery?

Both

What can we do? What are we both
        But beings of our time?
Gold is the meat of living's broth,
        The vowel of the rhyme.
Even a token sad and old.
        A certain price will woo.
Our love would but be true as gold
        If we were gold all through.

Through this mad mind relentless vaults
A grim ides weird and wild
With a meaning wilder than human fears
A clown in grotesque somersaults;
And I weep at him as a child
        In a man's hard tears.

There is no roof, there is no floor;
Horror! no space is known in all!
‑ Relentlessly I see he vaults! ‑
There is the clown and nothing more,
Who ceaselessly doth rise and fall ‑
The clown in grotesque somersaults.

Relentless, how relentlessly
In me, who seek what means each thing,
This spaceless vision neatly vaults!
My legs to vault almost forget me.
What awful meaning can this bring
        The clown in grotesque somersaults.

Last night I had not the blessing
Of a deep or a quiet slumber,
For thoughts most wild and distressing
Every woe and fear expressing
        My drowsy sense did encumber.

        And the clock, with its curst possession
                Of night with its monotone,
        Is a madman mad with a word-obsession,
                Sorrowfully lone.

A thousand times a reeling
Of reason around my world,
And around reason feeling
The very darkness wheeling
In a blacker darkness hurled.

        And the clock! Ah, its curst possession
                Of night with its monotone!
        How it treasured well its word-obsession
                Dolorously lone!

If I slept awhile, without number
Came the dreams, and I had not the grace
Of the shade of a shadow of slumber.
I fell in descent from reason steep,
In consciousness pale disgrace;
There was a fall half-senseless and deep
And I woke with a start from sleep
        For I struck the bottom of space.

        And I woke to the clocks's possession
                Of night with its monotone,
        Chuckling a meaning past its obsession,
                Maniacally lone.

My soul ‑ what is my soul? But symbols mute
Its horror and confusion can give out:
A desert out of space where absolute
Reigns expectation full of horrid doubt.

It gives the sense that giveth, strange and dark,
Some unknown river weird, hauntingly lone,
In some old picture storiless, sole work
Of some great painter horribly unknown.

It is an island out of human track,
Mysterious, old within the sea and full
Of caves and grottoes unexplored and black,
Pregnant with many horrors possible.

It is an olden inn with corridors
Woven in a labyrinth and scarce of light,
Where through the night the sound of shutting doors,
Vague in its cause and place, fills us with fright.

It is a mountain region wild and free,
Precipiced, hid and silent, never seen,
Where we dare not think of what might have been
Nor wish idea of what things may be.

If ever mystery, romance and fear
Have shown their heart on canvas and on scroll,
It must assuredly to men appear
As to mine inner sense appears my soul.

It is a vision-desert full of rocks
Where all than reason is both more and less,
'Tis a lone coast where the sea's endless shocks
Fill with an empty sound its lifelessness.

Something of lost, forgotten, vague and dead,
Yet waking, as a slumberer mystical
Seems to perceive, for who looks knows with dread
That something he doth see to make appal.

All this my soul is in its weak despair,
Full of sense unto pain, of thought to tears,
Having for meed of reason a mute care,
For company to feeling - woes and fears.

So to my glance, as if with opium wide,
My very self is grown a mystery;
In inexstatic fear Life doth abide
And madness like my breath is within me.

What Death doth take for wife is
What life has of good and of fair;
        The pain of passing's knife is
Not the less that it is everywhere;
        All goes, all flows, all life is
But the wreck of its own self for e'er.

        Yet hope we that this going
A semblance and lie can but be;
        That the river that is flowing
Will find, how far be it, a sea;
        That beyond our frail knowing
A deeper life eternally

Keeps all that seems to wither
All that seems to go wits to-day,
        And that in a way to bother [?]
Our subtlest thoughts to dismay
        Form and matter together
Live e'er in a timeless Alway.

«God's work ‑ how great his power!» said he
As we gazed out upon the sea
Beating the beach tumultuously
        Round the land-head.

The vessel then strikes with a crash,
Over her deck the waters rash
Make horror deep in rent and gash.
        «God's work» , I said.

L'INCONNUE

Let thy hand set
My hair back. Look
Into mine eyes.
There runs a brook
Right through the heat
Of my hushed cries.

Let thy hand rest
Upon my brow.
Let thine eyes smile
Into the unrest
Of mine eyes now
Thine for a while.

Ay, forget not
To let that touch
Be felt by me,
Light like a thought
Of it, and such
As hope can be.

Let thy hand sweep
Over my hair
One little while.
I seem asleep
But cannot bear
To feel me smile.

All things have failed.
All hopes are dead.
All joys are brief.
Ay, let thy hand,

As if it quailed
From feeling sad,
Give me relief!
No matter if
None understand.

Ay, on my brow
Let thy hand be.
What life is now
Is worth so little
That pain seems brittle
And thought a slough.

Put my hair back
From my brow's pain.
There runs a track
Of lightness through
My heavy brain.

What does this mean?
These are words set
To an idle tune.
What I regret
Hath never been.
Lest my rest fret,
True rest, come soon!

HORIZON

I

Unheard-of fathoms in the deep sea,
In cool caves deep
(The spoils of battle are not for thee)
For ever sleep.

No upward vision or shining mount
Rewards thy pain.
The secret angel keepeth no count
Of thy lost gain.

On the sphynx's mouth the tale is dead,
The path grass grown.
Our sorrow shall follow where thout hast led,
Through the Unknown.

Waitest thou hidden, or quiet rest
What silence forbids?
Give us at least thy unobtained quest
And the flowered meads.

Ship sailing out to sea,
If thou canst not take me,
Take ar least with thy hope
Of other ports my misery
And what in me doth grope.

Ship sailing far away
Let me dream thou canst go
Where I at last may
No longer live with woe
Or with grief stay.

Ship sailing out to Death
Go far, go far
Under the breath
Of the wind, while the star
Of Fate listeneth.

Ship that are not anywhere,
But that I dream,
That is why you art fair.
Sail or sail not... Seem
To sail. That is all. Where?

Ship that I dream and fades
In my dreams distance, go
There are happier glades
Beyond where I know
But this is today and woe.


22/07/1916

Mother of things impossible,
Sister of what can never be,
Thou whose closed lips will never tell
The words whose lack is misery
Sit by my side while I ignore.
Smile by my ignorance of thee,
And my lost solitude restore.

O life is sad as things unwilled,
Love is the day that never comes
To those blind as my soul, and filled
With that presade of coming drums
When the city shall fall, that haunts
The inner vision whose night hums
In us while death startingly chaunts.

O interpret my soul to me!
Give me no truth, no sight, no road,
But take from me the misery
Of conciousness and the unseen goal
Of seeking ever what doth seem.
Lighten with being-near my load!
O let me hold thy hand and dream!


22/07/1916

When shall we rest?
The ceaseless waves
They have no quest.
The trees peace-ripe.
Their lifeless life
From sorrow saves.

When shall we go?
Wither? We care
Nothing to know.
Sorrow is here.
Aught may us cheer
Now of dim there.

What in us shall
Cease and leave peace?
Life holds in thrall
Our joy like pain,
Our loss-like gain,
Our stayed release.

Love cannot bless.
Bliss cannot live.
Joy's short caress
Passes like wind
Suddenly thinned
We dream and grieve.

Outward from us
There lies the land
Less luminous,
Where we may rest,
Leaving all quest,
Wishing no strand.

Ready the bark
For our repose.
Let us embark.
The sea is lone?
We are alone,
Pain but pain shows.

Remember nought.
Cease like a light
Suddenly not.
Merge like a dream
Into the stream
Of its own night.


25/04/1917

Wake with the Sun, wake with the morn
Wake with the coming day,
Be with the dew and the flush new born,
But, unlike them, stay.

Mists fall of from what thou art
They are what we see.
Come and enter into our heart
And let life be.

The morn belongs to the empty world
Men are later here.
Come and let life be slowly unfurled
Off thee like fear.

And in thy terrible being but thou
Sans body nor soul
Pour all thy balm on my saddened brow,
And make my hope whole!


04/07/1917

The Master said you must not heed
What others talk of at their need.

Under the happy trees they sit
That talk of nothing and of wit.
Under the silent trees they stand
That talk of mist and no man's land.
Under the sulky trees they lie
That wonder of the earth and sky.

This was the matter of the song
No one could sing or well or long.
This was the substance of the tale
No one could tell unless it fail.
This was the subject of the verse
The last one made, lest earth be worse.

So that the collateral nightingale
Forgot its music and its tale.
So the lark rose and found but air
And false dominion everywhere.
So the dropt eagle, loosing prey,
Swept by and owned but the void day.

Yet what the secret of all this
May be or was none now can guess.
Perhaps beyond what thought defines,
Like wine some chance that some one may
Make shade and sleep of yesterday.

But wether this be sense or nought,
Surely it was a careful thought
To have the lawn so nicely laid
Out and the critics all gainsaid,
It was the reason and the home.
The rest is why tis right to roam.


02/02/1917

A SENSATIONIST POEM

Her fingers toyed absently with her rings

There are fallen angels in the way you look
And great bridges over silent streams in your smile.
Your gestures are a lonely princess dreaming over a book
At a windows over a lake, on some distant isle.

If I were to stretch my hand and touch your that would be
Dawn behind the turrets of a city in some East.
The words hidden in my gesture would be moon light on the sea
Of your being something in my soul like gaiety in a feast

Let your silence tell me of the numberless dreams that are you,
Let the drooping of your eyelids veil landscapes that are you,
I ask no more than that you should come into my dreams and be true
To the wider seas within me and my inner eternal day.

Blossoms, blossoms, blossoms along the road of your going to speak.
Eighteenth century gardens, so sad in the middle of our dreaming them now,
Are the way you are conscious of yourself on your eyelids, by your lips, through your cheek.
O the road to Nowhere all for us and we there and a new God this to allow!

Do not scatter the silence that is the palace where our consciousness
Is now living at unity our duplicate lives of one soul.
What are we, in our dream of each other, but a picture which is
The masterpiece of a painter that never painted at all?


1916

POEMAS VÁRIOS EM INGLÊS


SEPARATED FROM THEE...

Separated from thee, treasure of my heart,
By earth despised, from sympathy free,
Yet winds may quaver and hearts may waver,
I'll never forget thee.

Soft seem the chimes of boyhood sweet
To one who is no more free,
But let winds quaver and men's hearts waver,
I'll never forget thee.

In a dim vision, from school hailing
Myself a boyish form, I see,
And winds have quavered and men's hearts wavered,
But I'll not forgotten thee.

Since first thy form divine I saw,
While from school I came with glee,
Winds have quavered and men's hearts wavered,
But I've forgotten thee.

Since a simple boyish passion
I entertained for thee
Though winds have quavered and men's hearts wavered,
I've forgotten thee.

The stars shine bright, the moon looks love,
From over the moonlit sea.
Winds have quavered and men's hearts wavered
And thou hast forgotten me.

Separated from thee, treasure of my heart,
By earth despised, from sympathy free,
Yet may quaver and hearts may waver,
But I'll never forget thee.


May 12, 1901

HEART-MUSIC

Learning almost upon thy breast
I heard thy heart's life – made unrest...

And thy heart's beating has a sound
that reminds me of aught I heard long ago,
Long before this life, but what
I do not know, I do not know...
'Twas something going round and round
Something of terrible and of strange
That even now doth shake my soul.
I strive to remember – I fail, I fail
The unmemoried memory doth shake my soul.
'Twas something terrible and strange,
Going round and going round,
And it had a sound like thy heart's beat...
The memory hangs on my soul's darkness
But notion from my mind went round and round
And now thy heart – hath such a sound.


Alexander Search

December 1905

TO A HAND

Give me thy hand. With my wounded eyes
I would see what this hand contains:
Ah, what a world of hopes here lies!
What a world of feelings and doubts and pains!
Oh to thing that this hand in itself contains
The mystery of mysteries.

This hand has a meaning thou dost not know,
A meaning deeper than human fears;
This hand perchance in times long ago
Wiped off strange and unnatural tears;
Perhaps its gesture was full of snears
Perchance its clenching was full of woe.

There is that in thy hand my soul doth dream
And the shades that haunt my mind;
The howl of the wind and the flow of the stream,
The flow of the stream and the howl of the wind,
All that is horrible and undefined
Of the things that are in the things that seem.

As I look at thy hand my mind is rife
Of thoughts and memories deeper than rhyme;
Thy hand is a part af my soul's deep life,
And I knew thy hand ere the birth of time,
And in ages past it led me to crime,
(...)

A world of woes and of fears and sighs
And love that better had been hate,
And crimes and wars and victories,
And the painful fall of many a state –
All these and more that the heart abate
My raving soul in thy hand descries.

No painter mad, not a fetichist
O'er thy hand would be thus held blind.
At mere blank thought of its being kissed
By my lips I thrill with a fear none find
In the waking thoughts-of a human mind
Save when reason by its own self is missed.

Thy hand has a meaning thou dost not know,
A meaning deeper than human fears;
It has aught of the sea and of the sun's glow
And the seasons too and the months and years,
And the colour hidden in human tears
And the form and number in human woe.

Thy hand was a lofty and empty home,
A collar of pearls and a castle keep;
Thy hand knows well all the thoughts that roam,
Thy hand is the music eternal and deep
That long ere birth held my soul asleep
In a palace quaint with a curious dome.

How finely made is this hand of thine
With its fingers tapering and white,
Soft and palely warm and fine;
There is something in it of day and night.
Ah, dearest child, could I read aright
The text before me deep and divine.

There's a kind of Fact that persists and hangs
O'er thy hand, as on a scratched scroll:
Tis as if some thought had buried its fangs
In a unknown part of my soul.
In a land far in me a bell doth toll,
And my heart aches wild as it shrinks or clangs.

There is aught of new and wild and unreal
In thy hand where my look is pained:
Tis as if hand in itself could see all
Horrible thought, where fear is gained
By a drollness mad and dimly sustained
As of some wide hint out of the Ideal.

There is aught of Personal, of It, of Such
In thy hand o'er me there steals
A sense of dread like a murder's clutch;
I know not how, my hand in thine feels
An eternal thing hand my mad brain reels
As if eternity we could touch.

I see that hand not a hand, but whence
This horrible Fact that creeps in me!
Ah, I have of thy hand the seeing intense
But aught more than hand in that place I see
That abrupt elusion did make to be
Between thought of things and what we call sense.

My thought doth look at thy hand direct
Without eyes or sense or aught of this,
And my reason at such a thing is wrecked
Into such a fear that both pain hand bliss
Are plunged in conscious unconsciousness
For that is no hand that my dreams detect.

And I gaze yet more hand I shake from me
The dream of time and the dream of space,
And as a drowner who sinks in the sea
I dream of the wonders of all we trace
In everything and I plunge full-face
In the sense of what more than seems to be.

There is aught of lovely, wild and unbrute
In thy hand, and I love it well;

In fearing more than pain thoughts of hell
By a sudden portal in the Visible
I have a glimpse of the Absolute.

The sight of thy hand of a horrible heaven
The portals mute throws open again

Thy hand is like music, in it I again
Passing a wild fear and a bitter pain
Weird things more weird than the sense of Seven.

All things stare mystery at my mind,
But thy hand most, to oblivion conn'd
Thrilled with a mute life not all defined,
What is thy hand in itself beyond
The scope of sense where the heart is fond,
The realm of thought where the soul is blind?

Where is the soul that thy hand reveals
In its own there-self till its thought affrights?
What bells are those that say HAND in peals
That traverse impossible infinites?
What fills with lightnings of hands the nights
Where the sense of dread into thoughts congeals?

Take thy hand away; for I now shall dream
Of strange and grotesque and unnatural lands
Watered by many a painful stream
Whose waves are hands, whose banks of hands
Of gardens with trees whose leaves are hands
And a white stiff hand covering the sun's gleam.

(...)

Then, oh horror worst, they begin to live
With a vital life, and to grasp and clutch,
And to twitch and squirm till my thoughts unweave,
And like worms and snails that my throat should touch
My soul qualms and retches at horror such
At fear's transcendent superlative.

And what more doth follow I cannot say,
But it seems that madly I traverse, lone,
Tracts of hells where a hand doth stay
In such a manner that if a groan
Of a madman could in its soul be known
It would be to it as to night is day.

And my thoughts drag on in their weary strain;
Wild and grotesque, or quick or slow,
Uncouth and unseemly they reel in my brain,
Startingly mad as they go,
As a sudden laugh in the midst of woe
Or a clown in a funeral train.


Alexander Search

January, 1906

Come, let us play a game, little boy,
        To while the world away.
What shall be - tell me - our harmless toy?
        At what shall we play?

Shall we play - shall we? - at being great?
        No, nor at being grand
Shall we believe that we are Fate
        And make up lives out of sand?

No, little boy, we will play that we are
        Happy, and that we are gay;
Let us pretend we are dreams, very far
        From the world in which we play.

«Burn me that book well, hangman,
        Burn it to the last leaf,
Put at the stake the apostate
        Whose hand of truth was thief.

«Burn his house to the ground, man,
        Starve his children and wife,
His friends disperse, dissever,
        His followers put to the knife.

«His works, his books, his poems
        To fire's oblivion fling;
Let ashes remain of all this.
        Remains there anything?»

«Some that stand by on looking
        Have tears within their eyes.»
«In the stake shall be their ending
        And vain and lone their cries.»

«All's done, my lord.» - «Remaineth
        There aught that was, of theirs?»
«Ashes» - «Throw them to the winds then;
        Still aught of them appears?»

My lord, there still persisteth
        The name they had of good.»
Trouble not; t'will be forgotten
        As their ashes and their blood.»

«Nothing remaineth. - «My lord, yet
        Aught can I not dispel:
Our name that will be ever
        A curse and a living hell.»

We also shall be forgotten
        As these shall cease to be.
What will remain then? -  My lord, still
        The name of Tyranny.»

«That also will remain not.»
        «But the Cause of what we do,
Of this bad world will. «What thou meanest
        My mind cannot construe.»

My lord, I mean 'tis useless
        That all things be crushed and trod.
There will then stand out to be hated
        The accursed name of God»

I met a giant upon my way;
        He looked more wise than Nature.
«Tell me some truth», thus my tongue did betray
        My soul so that more than creature.
- «There is but one's, in an old voice strange
        He cried: «things are more, I say,
Than Time in which they seem to change
And than Space that seems more than they».

I

Duty calls on me; I must fight against
That which 'tis duty unto all to fight.
Therefore, oh, illness of my will that stain'st
My mind - oh, leave me free to seek the right!

Take me from the vile sleep of purpose cold,
Give me an impulse to do good, to make
A struggle for the new against the old
Ere time my useless life away may take.

Keen is my feeling of the suffering
Of men and nations, keen into despair;
But not a will to speak it doth it bring,
Moveless I rest, not like a thing too fair,

But like a stagnant water full of filth,
A bog of will, inactive and alone,
Unopen unto Learning's fresh and tilth
And locked from doing good as men have done.

Pain ever, pain for ever! pain, oh pain!
Pain filling all my life like time or change.
Woe that goes from an inner waking strain
Unto the sleepiness of fears most strange.

Despair and horror, madness lone that feels
Its own too bitter taste until it quails,
The horror of a mind that fails and reels
And knows full well how far it reels and fails.

I sorrow for the past and at the future,
On that which never was I weep and pine,
Upon the things that never were in Nature,
On those that are and never shall be mine.

The sadness of the pleasure that has been,
The sorrow of the pain that once we had,
The ache of that which in dim visions seen
Leaves but an echo to make itself sad.

The knowledge that a dream is nothing more,
The science that our life is less than this:
It passes as it, and the bliss it wore
Was at its best the shadow of a bliss.

I ponder on the fates of men and things,
Thereat my soul grows dark and feeble grows,
To find Thought's body weighing on the wings
Which Fancy opens over fields and snows.

I ponder upon evil and on good
And both in life irrational I see,
One because it exists not, yet it should,
The other since it is and should not be.

Nothing is clear unto me; all is dark,
All is confusion to my Thought's o'er‑much;
Alas for him who thinks in life to work
Having cast far away Convention's crutch.

He finds that Custom, the least thing of all,
Is king and queen and law and creed and faith,
That Custom goes not further than our pall,
That Custom is with us past our own death.

I mourn that there are thrones, prisons and tumbs,
And yet to see all ill I am half glad:
That there are deaths, decays and rots and dooms,
A gladness whose eyes sparkle, because mad.

I weep all times the limits close that must
Deep souls ununderstood in living pen,
But weeping deeply wake to the disgust
That I weep for myself in other men.

My tears are for myself; so that they teach
To know men's ineradicable woe,
What matter what high point of pain they reach?
Haply their birth one day they 'll cease to know.

And that I shall forget this pain of mine
Forget myself - ah, would that it could be!
Forgotten like the drunkard in his wine
Or like the pauper in his misery.

'Twere madness, but sweet madness, better than
The waking, fully living consciousness
That unto a full unity doth span
The many woes and throes of my distress.

'Twere madness but 'twere better than to know
That evil is the source of life and thought,
For to feel madness is the greatest woe
That upon human consciousness is wrought.

To feel excluded, miserable, lone,
A leper deep at heart, having for sore
His being, is a misery past moan
'Tis better all to have and to ignore.

'Tis better? - nay, who knows? the mystery
Of consciousness and knowledge who can find?
In madness and in thought what things may be?
How far is horror deep within the mind?

II

This is my life; what will the future be?
With horror I grow sick past sighs and tears,
To think how life is torture unto me,
How Thought is father of strange cares and fears.

Yesterday one spoke to me of my youth.
Youth? Life? Twelve years I had of happiness;
The seven since then have been without ruth -
Twelve years of sleep and seven of distress.

Time, I grow sick of thee! Sounds, motions, things,
I feel a tiredness before your eyes...
Give me, oh Dream of mine! thy purest wings
That I may take from solitude my cries,

That I may seek the Heaven of this life -
Death, mother of hall things that seem to be.
Die thus the hand that could not serve for strife,
The brain that strained and toiled with misery!

III

Life - what is Life? Death - what is Death? My brain
Feels as I think on this, as one that reads
Far into dusk lifts up his eyes with pain,
Aching and dim; and my heart slowly bleeds.

IV

To work? I cannot. To be gay? I've lost
Long, long ago all laughter save a base
Mirth where Despair with Apathy incrust,
That has the scent of rots and of decays.

To do good? all desire tends unto it
But al1 my will is feeble before all:
I am become a bult for my Thought's wit
Which is no wit but Consciousness all gall.

And what avails it e'er to toil or trouble,
To make my torture of my life and thought?
Is not all life the slander‑fair soap‑bubble
That by a child in empty mind is wrought?

And what avails all verse, all art and song,
All that doth make a body for itself?
My heart is keen to feel al1 human wrong,
I careless, as one born to ease and pelf.

And what avails it ever to grow pale
Over the mute and endless lore of old
Until the wearied senses strain and fail
And the worn heart is passionless and cold?

Avails it anything? It avails not.
Let me sleep then: give me a grave for bed
In the earth's heart where I not life nor thought
But rottenness and peace my have instead.

The preacher said: «My task, it is to take
To men the mystic balsam of a creed,
And in their hearts lust-taken to awake
A fervour above life and above need.

My work: is to outcast the every greed
For beauty, and the chains of love to break,
And the whole field of youth and joy to rake
Clear for the sowing of my holy seed.

I go to preach a doctrine sweet and sad
Of sacrifice and of benevolence:
I turn my back on life, on earthly bliss.

But e'er I go ‑ oh, God, can I be mad? -
Would I could take to that cold life intense
The soul-perturbing memory of a kiss!»

There was a land, which I suppose,
Where everyone had a crooked nose;

And the crooked nose that everyone had
In no manner did make him sad.

But in that land a man was born
Whose nose more straight and clean was worn;

And the men of that land with a public hate
Killed the man whose nose was straight.

I traced a circle on the ground,
It was a mystic figure strange
Wherein I thought there would abound
Mute symbols adequate of change,
And complex formulas of Law,
Which is the jaws of Change's maw.

My simpler thoughts in vain had stemmed
The current of this madness free,
But that my thinking is condemned
To symbol and analogy:
I deemed a circle might condense
With calm all mystery's violence.

And so in cabalistic mood
A circle traced I curious there;
Imperfect the made circle stood
Thought formed with minutest care.
From magic's failure deeply I
A lesson took to make me sigh.

The world, as far's I understand,
Which is no further than the blind
Of colour and of shade can find
In that obscurity of theirs,
        This world sunlit and grand,
        Of which we are the heirs
        With a proud unconsciousness,
Is worth as much as all our rhymes,
As all our things, its gilded slimes -
Nothing, and that's the most I'll say
Ere on he bed of nothingness
I turn myself the other way.

To toil through time and hate and to consume
Far more than life in Error's hard defeat,
Seeking e'er for the true, for the complete,
Careless of faith and misery and doom

Is there a nobler task, while life doth fleet,
Than this, to strive to make light amid gloom,
And with hands bleeding to part and make room
In life for weaker and more unsure feet?

The void o'th' world must with an arch be spanned,
The ways of Nature must be read aright
That there may be a wise and friendly hand

To make this dark world better and more bright.
Oh, with what joy and love I understand
These master-souls that ache for truth and light.

Farewell, farewell for ever,
        I cannot more remain;
Far wider things our hearts do sever
        Than continent or main -
Pride and distaste and inaptness
To feel each other's joy, distress.

Farewell, farewell for ever;
        Be it not said by thee
My heart was weaker, thy heart braver
        In mutual misery
But parted were we, be it said,
As are the living from the dead.

Farewell, farewell for ever,
        Since love left not behind
Nor even friendship nor endeavour
        Nor sorrow mad or kind.
'Tis fit indeed those souls be parted
That cannot e'er be broken-hearted.

Farewell, farewell for ever;
        'Tis time this thing were done,
When love is cold which was a fever
        And vulgar as a stone,
When life from woe to woe doth flee
And change itself is misery.

EPICUREAN

From night's great womb with pain the horrid morn hao broke,
Far o'er the throbbing earth the clattering thunders roar,
The Titan wakes at last, his front begrimed with gore,
His brutal gasp abrupt uproots the rugged oak.

In mortal throes he raves, and with his stertorous croak
The birds are struck, the streams with terror dried, the shore
Caves into sea, mounts break down to their horrid core,
The tottering crags are rent, is rent the cloud’s gray cloak.

The lightning shrinks, the seas in roaring clangor splash,
The giant sways and now, with sudden thunderous crash,
Falls, and the throned stars from glittering seats are torn.

He fell; the startl'd earth, with frantic fury stung,
Split, burst, and broke; the air with rankling curses rung
But in the sky the sun still smiled as in scorn.

IV

The boy and the girl did kiss
And the world looked on with joy
At that pure touch of early bliss,
Chaste in its childly stainlessness
        Given by the girl to the boy.
'T was the first kiss of youth, and used
The world is to those words abused ­-
«Purity», «love», «free from stain.»
Strange doctor who hath e'er confused
The medulla and the brain!

V

The heart's a pump.

I love the things that children love
        Yet with a comprehension deep
That lifts my pining soul above
        Those in which life as yet doth sleep.

All things that simple are and bright,
        Unnoticed unto keen‑worn wit,
With a child's natural delight
        That makes me proudly weep at it.

I love the sun with personal glee,
        The air as if I could embrace
Its wideness with my soul and be
        A drunkard by expense of gaze.

I love the heavens with a joy
        That makes me wonder at my soul,
It is a pleasure nought can cloy,
        A thrilling I cannot control.

So stretched out here let me lie
        Before the sun that soaks me up,
And let me gloriously die
        Drinking too deep of living's cup;

Be swallowed of the sun and spread
        Over the infinite expanse,
Dissolved, like a drop of dew dead
        Lost in a super‑normal trance;

Lost in impersonal consciousness
        And mingling in all life become
A selfless part of Force and Stress
        And have a universal home;

And in a strange way undefined
Lose in the one and living Whole
The limit that I call my mind,
The bounded thing I call my soul.

Be it so; we are sundered for ever­ -
        I and life's happy and sane.
My nature and theirs did us sever;
        Nought can unite us again.

Again? We were never unparted,
        Differently destined and born­ -
They born to be light and stout‑hearted,
        I to be pained and worn.

Be it so; we for ever are sundered!
        What would the normal with me?
My own inner reason hath wondered
        Trembling at its misery.

I give me all over to terror
        All unto madness and woe;
I yield up my thoughts unto error.
        'Twas to be so; be it so!

Of my thoughts I no longer am master,
        Ceasing is now all control.
My mind doth decay: take your pasture
        Ravings, ye worms of the soul!

To‑day I sought to write, and found I had
With expectation my worn mind abused,
Yet deemed I not so choked and so confused
My thoughts already should be. I grow mad.

Bare of ideas, lame in my o'er‑used
Uselessly tired reason, feeling bad
Before the light sun, I stand lone and sad,
Friendship and kinship by mankind refused.

I labour but to think. I cannot think.
My thinking raves or sickens into dream
As I of some deep‑witched brew did drink.

That did strange horrors in my soul reveal.
A storm approaches. All grows dark. I feel
My reason leave me like a last sunbeam.

To its own father that child fair doth seem
Which unbribed eyes may but indifferent deem;
        Therefore this book, my child's first son too dear,
        Do thou inspect with careful search austere.
        If good, I better promise to indict;
        If bad, I will not think thou sayest right.
        'Tis not my pride, but human nature, friend,
        Owning no wrong doth covertly amend.

Ah, foolish girl with many a fancy fraught,
Seek not the dreary path of solemn thought.
The man who thinks is he that suffers worst,
By Nature blest, by everything accurst.
Thought is but madness to one thing confined,
A pleasing illness, woeful, undefined;
Pleasing as is the fury of the storm
That swings above its dangerous force enorm;
Pleasing as genius to which one must know
Death will not spare the dreadful, sudden blow;
Of body, soul and happiness the waster,
Thought's a good servant but a tyrannous master.

Leave then to madmen thought and pass thy life
Away from doubt and ceaseless mental strife;
Seek but to please and cherish but to scorn,
Love not with faith or thou must learn to mourn;
Be thy delight in silks and baubles gay,
Treat tears as feints and think life but a play;
Think with thy heart, reserve thy mind to scheme;
Let thine eyes practise an (unreal) dream:
Thy form to attract, thy voice not to repel;
The art of slander see than learn full well;
Try to please women as thou pleasest men...
Thou may'st succeed... and may I live till then.

When Cynthia smiled all Nature smiled, the streams
Glinted like diamonds in the golden beams;
Upon the branches sang the tuneful birds,
Amid the lowing of the grazing herds.
When Cynthia laughed the world was reft of pain
And varied flowers smiled on the enwitched swain;
The very storm restrained its fitful might,
The seas were ripples and the earth was bright.
If Cynthia frowned the skies gave out a groan,
The earth a shudder and the wind a moan;
Men's heads were drooped, no youthful face was glad,
The flowers had closed, the fields were stern and sad.
If Cynthia railed all Nature's voice was hoarse,
The very orbs withheld their wanted course;
The sun was pale, the moon gave out no light,
All night was hell, all day was like to night.
But, though I lived that day, my blinded eyes
Such many miracles beheld not rise.

Methought the sun preserved his wonted shine
And that men were, as ever, undivine,
Methought the storm went on, nor crash'd the less
And pain also, men suffering without cease;
Nor on the branches sang the birds the more
Nor brightened Nature her too bounteous store;
Nor wandered yet the world, or hung behind,
Nor did the orbs; what wandered was thy mind.

As when the moon which on a wide deep stream
Makes every wavelet glint with silver light,
By some black cloud, a shadow of the night
ls but awhile obscured, yet still gleam

The waves in darkness, to no falling beam,
And please in shade with the obscure delight
Of a profounder motion, stilly dight
With softened silver, like a thing of dream;

So may for e'er my song its force retain,
And though a cloud o'ercast my weary mind
Let that but fill the glitter of my strain

With staider sweetness, showing to mankind
That though beneath a cloud I can sustain
My wonted song, to hope and bliss not blind.

The world is woven all of dream and error
And but one sureness in our truth may lie –
That when we hold to aught our thinking's mirror
We know it not by knowing it thereby.
For but one side of things the mirror knows,
And knows it colded from its solidness.
A double lie its truth is; what it shows
By true show's false and nowhere by true place.
Thought clouds our life's day-sense with strangeness, yet
Never from strangeness more than that it's strange
Doth buy our perplexed thinking, for we get
But the words sense from words – knowledge, truth, change.
We know the world is false, not what is true.
Yet we think on, knowing we ne'er shall know.

How yesterday is long ago! The past
Is a fixed infinite distance from to-day,
And bygone things, the first-lived as the last,
In irreparable sameness far away.
How the to-be is infinitely ever
Out of the place wherein it will be Now,
Like the seen wave yet far up in the river,
Which reaches not us, but the new-waved flow!
This thing Time is, whose being is having none,
The equable tyrant of our different fates,
Who could not be bought off by a shattered sun
Or tricked by new use of our careful dates.
This thing Time is, that to the grave will bear
My heart, sure but of it and of my fear.

The edge of the green wave whitely doth hiss
Upon the wetted sand. I look, yet dream.
Surely reality cannot be this!
Somehow, somewhere this surely doth but seem!
The sky, the sea, this great extent disclosed
Of outward joy, this bulk of life we feel,
Is not something, but something interposed.
Only what in this is not this is real.
If this be to have sense, if to be awake
Be but to see this bright, great sleep of things,
For the rarer potion mine own dreams I'll take
And for truth commune with imaginings,
Holding a dream too bitter, a too fair curse,
This common sleep of men, the universe.

My weary life, that lives unsatisfied
On the foiled off-brink of being e'er but this,
To whom the power to will hath been denied
And the will to renounce doth also miss;
My sated life, with having nothing sated,
In the motion of moving poised aye,
Within its dreams from its own dreams abated –
This life let the Gods change or take away.
For this endless succession of empty hours,
Like deserts after deserts, voidly one,
Doth undermine the very dreaming powers
And dull even thought's active inaction,
Tainting with fore-unwilled will the dreamed act
Twice thus removed from the unobtained fact.

Weep for the last of things,
For the farewell that they give
As if with a glance alone
To the things that remain and live.

Weep for the noble minds
That have past like froth away;
Weep for the bodies fair
Now less than dust or day.

Weep for the smallest trifles
Of our life, that is made of them;
Weep for each unaccomplished,
Each dream known at last a dream.

Weep for nations and kingdoms
That are dreams within the past,
For creeds and for religions,
For idols dim down‑cast.

Though their glory were a vile one
And a blessing their decay,
Yet they are things that have been,
Have been and gone away.

Weep for all joys departed,
For many a departed pain:
The heart one day shall desire
That they could come back again.

Weep for all things that are gone
And for those that are not past,
For the heart that sees them knows
That they also shall not last.

To all that passes pertaineth
A shred of our sympathy,
A tear for all things departed,
For departing things a sigh.

Thou wast not put on earth to ask
If there be God, or life or death.
Seize then thy tools and to thy task
And give to toil each panting breath.

Thy tools thou hast, nor needst to seek
Thy health or faith or useful art,
The strength to toil, the power to speak,
A mighty mind or kindly heart.

Say not that work is e'er ill‑spent,
Say not that effort fails or seems;
Say not that he o'er labour bent
Is one in the world's many dreams.

For not in vain with patient shocks,
With timely rush and quick'ning roar,
The ocean crashes on the rocks
And bounds on to the sounding shore.

They check, ‘tis true, his rolling rush,
His sturdy beat they seem to scorn,
His surging waves with force they crush
And turn in spray his billows torn.

But days and weeks and months and years
He strikes and strikes and strikes amain.
And dent on dent in them appears
That shows his weary, patient gain.

And years may pass or ages go,
Those eaten rocks will smaller stand;
Still he, with measured aim and slow
Shall bend his surging to the land.

Sure as the sun, and unperceived
As is the growing of a tree,
He works and works, nor is deceived
By sturdy from that men can see.

And when his object full he gains
With last and sounding, rending crash,
His mighty power he still sustains
And onward still his waters dash.

Perfection comes to me in fevered dreams,
Beauty divine by earthly senses bound,
And lulls mine ear with slow, forgetful sound,
Her full heart's voice, burst forth in mindful gleams,

Such as I ne'er can grasp. Her soft hair streams
On to her lustless breast, wherein confound
The real and the ideal interwound,
And aught of earthly joy that heaven beseems.

Then day invades, and all is gone away;
I to myself return, and feel such woe
As when a ship‑wrecked sailor waked from sleep

From the bright dreams of a sweet village day
Lifts up his throbbing head, to hear below
The weighty, sunken rumble of the deer.

Sad lot of all on earth,
        Sad and lone!
We go to death from birth
Cheerless in laugh or groan;
And the greatest of us that here must sigh
Is but a meteor hurled on high
        From the unknown to the unknown.

Long ere now Phoebus sunk in western skies
Behind his dreamy hills of tinted rose;
When I in pain my troubled eyelids close
And look upon the world that in me lies.

For in the night the silent river flows,
In darkness hid the bat unheeded flies:
In my soul's night, alas! no calmness lies,
With Nature's night too well my horror grows.

Darkness I hate, for I am like the night,
And yet in me no star, serenely bright,
The clouds of mind and soul so purely clears.

But as night with its pall of shades of old,
Unheard, unseen, l sit in heatless cold,
Enwrapped in my doubts and in my fears.

Farewells, departures, goings - these are most sad:
They are endings, dissolutions; they drive sentiment mad.
Even the fall of priests, of tyrants, of slaves and of kings
Has the bitterness and the sadness of the finishing of things.

The wave hath burst white upon the beach.
        Speak no more of it.
The leaf hath rotted. No more can it teach
        But a moral for joy unfit.

The day hath ended. Who speaks of its morn
        But must think of its night?
The old corpse is rotting. That it was once born
        Seems a lie to the sight.

The heart hath broken; no more can it throb
        With deep love or care.
Its voice hath vanished; no more can it sob
        In its deep despair.

Thus all things do crumble and all doth pass,
        But not always forgot:
For we feel it deep, and in the heart «was»
        Meaneth but «is nob».

A form of Beauty came once to me,
A sweeter thing than earth or sea
Or anything that is Time's contains
Or shows to our heart that has pains.

It went and I rose to seek it afar,
I walked wide and long in my lofty care,
And I asked the passers‑by on the way:
«Have ye seen this maiden? oh, say! oh, say!»

And they cried all: «No, we have felt the wind
Breathe in the blossom things undefined,
We have seen the soft leaves tremble and kiss
As memories thrilled of a vanished bliss.»

I asked a wanderer by the road:
«Hast thou seen the maiden I seek abroad'?»
«No; I have seen the moonlight», he said,
«Rest like a thought on the graves of the dead.»

And I asked of others: «Know ye the maid
Whose beauty but ignored can fade?»
«No», said they; «than skies and flowers
We know naught fairer that is ours.»

And far I went and I asked of all:
None knew her on whom I did call;
They had felt the breathing of lone winds low
Tremble like lips in loves first glow.

They had seen the grass and the trees and flowers
Bloom as things whose life is but hours;
And they had looked back on their little way
And trees and flowers were in decay.

Then I asked a madman who had no home,
And he said: «Alas for thee who dost roam!
Thou must become as I am now
For her thou seekest none can know.

She lives in a region beyond all love
All human sighing far above;
In a palace there on a dream‑wrought throne
She reigns eternally alone.

She maketh the poet's mind to pine,
She seeketh him once with a kiss divine,
And longing eternal follows that kiss
And pain is the blessing of her caress.»

Leaning my chin on my hands,
        I looked far away to sea
Where the dying sunset a sense commands
        Of half‑mystical majesty.
And I felt a strange sorrow, a fear,
        A desire like a sudden love
        For something that is not here
        And that I can never have.

Afastai nas janelas a cortina breve
Que menos que à luz a vista só proscreve!
Olhai o vasto campo, como jaz luminoso
Sob o azul poderoso
E limpo, e como aquece numa ardência leve
Que na vista se inscreve!
Já a noiva acordou. Ah como tremer sente
O coração dormente!
Os seios dela arrepanham-se por dentro numa frieza de medo
Mais sentido por crescido nela,
E que serão por outras mãos que não as suas tocados
E terão lábios chupando os bicos em botão.
Ah, ideia das mãos do noivo já
A tocar lá onde as mãos dela tímidas mal tocam,
E os pensamentos contraem-se-lhe até ser indistintos.
Do corpo está consciente mas continua deitada.
Vagamente deixa os olhos sentir que se abrem.
Numa névoa franjada cada coisa
Se ergue, e o dia actual é veramente claro
Menos ao seu sentir de medo.
Como mancha de cor a luz pousa na palpebrada vista
E ela quase detesta a inescapável luz.

II

Part from the windows the small curtains set
Sight more than light to omit!
Look on the general fields, how bright they lie
Under the broad blue sky,
Cloudless, and the beginning of t1e heat
Does the sight half iil-treat!
The bride hath wakened. Lo! she feels her shaking
Heart better all her waking!
Her breasts are with fear's coldness inward clutched
And more felt on her grown,
That will by hands other than hers be touched
And will find lips sucking their budded crown.
Lo! the thought of the bridegroom's hands already
Feels her about where even her hands are shy,
And her thoughts shrink till they become unready.
She gathers up her body and still doth lie.
She vaguely lets her eyes feel opening.
In a fringed mist each thing
Looms, and the present day is truly clear
But to her sense of fear.
Like a hue, light lies on her lidded sight,
And she half hates the inevitable light.

O noivo anseia pelo fim de tudo isto no cio
De conhecer essas entranhas em chupados sorvos,
De pôr primeira mão nesse cabelo do ventre
E apalpar o fojo labiado,
A fortaleza feita para ser tomada, e pela qual
Sente o aríete engrossar e doer de desejo.
A trémula alegre noiva sente todo o calor do dia
Nesse lugar ainda enclaustrado
Onde a sua virginal mão nocturna fingia
Um vazio lucro de prazer.
E dos outros a maior parte é disto que segredará,
Sabendo o rápido trabalho que é;
E as crianças, que observam com ávidos olhos,
Agora antegozam de saber
Da carne, e com homens e mulheres crescidos fazer
O acto coceguento e líquido
Por cujo sabor em cantos escusos tentam
O que mal sabem como é seco ainda.

THE STORY OF SALOMON WASTE

This is all the story of Salomon Waste.
Always hurrying yet never in haste
He fussed and worked and toiled all frothing
And at the end of all did nothing
This is all of Salomon Waste.

He lived in wishing and in striving,
And nothing came of all his living;
He worked and toiled in pain and sweat,
And nothing came out of all that.
This is all the story of Salomon Waste.
..............

Each day new projects did betray,
Yet each day was like every day.
He was born and died and between these
He worried himself himself to tease.

He bustled, worried, moved and cried
But in his life no more’s descried
Than two clear facts: he lived and died.
This is all the story of Salomon Waste.

Alexander Search, 11/08/1907

MANIA OF DOUBT

All things unto me are queries
That from normalness depart,
And their ceaseless asking wearies
My heart.
Things are and seem, and nothing bears
The secret of the life it wears.
All thing’s presence e’er is asking
Questions of disturbing pain
With dreadful hesitation tasking
My brain
How false is truth? How much doth seem
Since dreams are all and all’s a dream.
Before mystery my will faileth
Torn with war within the mind,
.............

Alexander Search

APPROACHING

With dragging steps severe, like creeping hate,
Through the black silence of my conscious brain
I hear madness advance, and feel with pain
The ground it treads on writhe and palpitate.
How to avoid its coming soon or late
How not to feel the mind’s grand vainly strain,
But rooted lie awaiting its dread reign
That cometh inopposable as fate?

If only madness came as lightning doth –
Suddenly – that were the least greatest ill...
But oh! to feel with consciousness’ clear sight
Reason’s day go to twilight in swift growth,
And the twilight of reason, pale and chill,
Darken towards impenetrable night.

Alexander Search, 23/03/1909

DOUBT

Tell me, tell me who dreams most –
He who sees the world aright
Or the man in dreaming lost?
What is true? What is’t that seems –
The lie that’s lie that is in dreams?

Who is unto truth less near –
He who sees all truth a shadow
Or he who sees dreams all clear?
He who is a good guest, or he?
Who feels alien at the feast?


Alexander Search, 19/06/1907

EPITAPH

Here lies who thought himself the best
Of poet’s in the world’s extend;
In life he had not joy nor rest.

He filled with madness many a song,
And at whatever age he died
Thus many days he lived too long.

He lived im powerless egotism,
His soul tumultuous and disordered
By thought and feeling’s endless schism.

In everything he had a foe
And without courage bore his part
In life’s interminable woe.

He was a slave to grief and fear
And incoherent thoughts he had
And wishes unto madness near.

Those whom he loved, by arts of ill
He treated worse than foes; but he
His own worst enemy was still.

He of himself did ever sing,
Incapable of modesty,
Lock’d in his wild imagining.

Useless was all his toiless trouble
Empty of sense his fears and pains
And many of them were ignoble.

Vile thus and worthless his distress;
His words, though bitterer far than hate,
His bitter soul could not express.
.........

Let not a healthy mind pollute
His grave, but fitly there will pass
The traitor and the prostitute;

The drunkard and the wencher there
May pass, but quick, lest they should ponder,
Perchance, that pleasure is but air.

Each weak and execrable mind
Which plagued man with its rotteness
Its conscious master here will find.

Conscious, for in him he could tell
Madness and ill were what they were,
But neither did he will to quell.

Pass by therefore ye who can weep,
Let rotteness work in neglect,
While the rough winds the dead leaves sweep.

His slumbering brother to the sod
Not even in imagining
Disturb not with the name of God.

But let him lie and peace for ever
Far from the eyes and mouth of men
And from what him from them did sever.

He was a thing that God had wrought
And to the sin of having lived
He joined the crime of having thought.

Alexander Search, Julho de 1907

DESOLATION

Here where the rugged hills
Their gnarled loose bases grip into the earth,
And nothing save the sorrow of our birth
From seeing the seeing spirit fills,
Here where, among the grim, deserted stones,
Na hope of green for desertness atones,
Or water's sound
Make sweet the solitude around,
Here may I lay
This day
My head
Upon the ground and say
No better bed
Can he who has but himself for life have,
Nor better grave.

The sterile part
Of love, feeling, was given me.
Fom the humanness even of a broken heart
God set me free.
Out of my destiny no flower was made
To grow.
All in me fated was not even to fade
Or e'en a vain and transient glory show.

The very need
For love or joy or the human part of thought,
Pride, and the abstract greed
For truth, that lifts the heart and doth allot
A value of self and world to consciousness –
Even this bliss
My empty heart has not.

O weary born,
Faded begun.
Gone from unseen shores to seen shores forlorn,
Sent out of sun-gone unto unborn sun!
The singer of his wish
To sing no song,
The poor spendthrift rich
With knowing not fo, what to long.
The Hyperion dispossessed
Ere birth
Of that sun-mansion set out beyond rest
Above the wide-lit stretches of the earth.

The uncrowned king
That never saw the land
Of which he oft doth sing,
And whose lost path he cannot understand
Nor know to dream steps him there to bring.
The priest deferred
From the inner shrine.
The thought but never uttered word,
The fore spilt wine,
The anxiousness for hope, the cold divine
Of anguish that no anguish human is,
The solitary pine
On the cold hill of consciousness.

The hour
The lord
Returns
Back to the polluted bower,
Home to the intransitable ford,
Again to the ice-padlocked burns:
The shadow
Fixedly thrown
On the green meadow
By a tree overgrown
With leaves, but fruitless, flowerless and lone.

The last
Sight of a shore
Which the unhalting ship doth pass
And where it never shall pass more;
But where the heart-dim sailor knows
Homes are happy because not his,
Lips warm because never his lips to kiss,
Gardens fair because therein grows
The unfound rose,
Hours soft, fate fresh, life a real fair elf
Because somewhere outside himself.


16/10/1916

How can I think, or edge my thoughts to action,
When the miserly press of each day's need
Aches to a narrowness of spilled distraction
My soul appalled at the world's work's time-greed?
How can I pause my thoughts upon the task
My soul was born to think that it must do
When every moment has a thought to ask
To fit the immediate craving of its cue?
The coin I'd heap for marrying my Muse
And build our home i'th' greater Time-to-be
Becomes dissolved by needs of each day's use
And I feel beggared of infinity,
Like a true-Christian sinner, each day flesh-driven
By his own act to forfeit his wished heaven.

As a bad orator, badly o'er-book-skilled,
Doth overflow his purpose with made heat,
And, like a clock, winds with withoutness willed
What should have been an inner instinct's feat;
Or as a prose-wit, harshly poet turned,
Lacking the subtler music in his measure,
With useless are labours but to be spurned,
Courting in alien speech the Muse's pleasure;
I study how to love or how to hate,
Estranged by consciousness from sentiment,
With a thought feeling forced to be sedate
Even when the feeling's nature is violent;
As who would learn to swim without the river,
When nearest to the trick, as far as ever.

Thy words are torture to me, that scarce grieve thee –
That entire death shall null my entire thought;
And I feel torture, not that I believe thee,
But that I cannot disbelieve thee not.
Shall that of me that now contains the stars
Be by the very contained stars survived?
Thus were Fate all unjust. Yet what truth bars
An all unjust Fate's truth from being believed?
Conjecture cannot fit to the seen world
A garment of its thought untorn or covering,
Or with its stuffed garb forge an otherworld
Without itself its dead deceit discovering;
So, all being possible, an idle thought may
Less idle thoughts, self-known no truer, dismay.

How many masks wear we, and undermasks,
Upon our countenance of soul, and when,
If for self-sport the soul itself unmasks,
Knows it the last mask off and the face plain?
The true mask feels no inside to the mask
But looks out of the mask by co-masked eyes.
Whatever consciousness begins the task
The task's accepted use to sleepness ties.
Like a child frighted by its mirrored faces,
Our souls, that children are, being thought-losing,
Foist otherness upon their seen grimaces
And get a whole world on their forgot causing:
And, when a thought would unmask our soul's masking,
Itself goes not unmasked to the unmasking.

Oh to be idle loving idleness!
But I am idle all in hate of me;
Ever in action's dream, in the false stress
Of purposed action never act to be.
Like a fierce beast self-penned in a bait-lair,
My will to act binds with excess my action,
Not-acting coils the thought with raged despair,
And acting rage doth paint despair distraction.
Like someone sinking in a treacherous sand,
Each gesture to deliver sinks the more;
The struggle avails not, and to raise no hand,
Though but more slowly useless, we've no power.
Hence live I the dead life each day doth bring,
Repurposed for next day's repurposing.

As to a child, I talked my heart asleep
With empty promise of the coming day,
And it slept rather for my words made sleep
Than from a thought of what their sense did say.
For did it care for sense, would it not wake
And question closer to the morrow's pleasure?
Would it not edge nearer my words, to take
The promise in the meting of its measure?
So, if it slept, 'twas that it cared but for
The present sleepy use of promised joy,
Thanking the fruit but for the forecome flower
Which the less active senses best enjoy.
Thus with deceit do I detain the heart
Of which deceit's self knows itself a part.

Like to a ship that storms urge on its course,
By its own trials our soul is surer made.
The very things that make the voyage worse
Do make it better; its peril is its aid.
And, as the storm drives from the storm, our heart
Within the peril disimperilled grows;
A port is near the more from port we part –
The port where to our driven direction goes.
If we reap knowledge to cross-profit, this
From storms we learn, when the storm's height doth drive –
That the black presence of its violence is
The pushing promise of near far blue skies.
Learn we but how to have the pilot-skill,
And the storm's very might shall mate our will.

As the lone, frighted user of a night-road
Suddenly turns round, nothing to detect,
Yet on his fear's sense keepeth still the load
Of that brink-nothing he doth but suspect;
And the cold terror moves to him more near
Of something that from nothing casts a spell,
That, when he moves, to fright more is not there,
And's only visible when invisible:
So I upon the world turn round in thought,
And nothing viewing do no courage take,
But my more terror, from no seen cause got,
To that felt corporate emptiness forsake,
And draw my sense of mystery's horror from
Seeing no mystery's mystery alone.

When I should be asleep to mine own voice
In telling thee how much thy love's my dream,
I find me listening to myself, the noise
Of my words othered in my hearing them.
Yet wonder not: this is the poet's soul.
I could not tell thee well of how I love,
Loved I not less by knowing it, were all
My self my love and no thought love to prove.
What consciousness makes more by consciousness,
It makes less, for it makes it less itself.
My sense of love could not my love rich-dress
Did it not for it spend love's own love-pelf.
Poet's love's this (as in these words I prove thee):
I love my love for thee more than I love thee.

We are born at sunset and we die ere morn,
And the whole darkness of the world we know,
How can we guess its truth, to darkness born,
The obscure consequence of absent glow?
Only the stars do teach us light. We grasp
Their scattered smallnesses with thoughts that stray,
And, though their eyes look through night's complete mask,
Yet they speak not the features of the day.
Why should these small denials of the whole
More than the black whole the pleased eyes attract?
Why what it calls «worth» does the captive soul
Add to the small and from the large detract?
So, out of light's love wishing it night's stretch,
A nightly thought of day we darkly reach.

Like a bad suitor desperate and trembling
From the mixed sense of being not loved and loving,
Who with feared longing half would know, dissembling
With what he'd wish proved what he fears soon proving,
I look with inner eyes afraid to look,
Yet perplexed into looking, at the worth
This verse may have and wonder, of my book,
To what thoughts shall't in alien hearts give birth.
But, as he who doth love, and, loving, hopes,
Yet, hoping, fears, fears to put proof to proof,
And in his mind for possible proofs gropes,
Delaying the true proof, lest the real thing scoff,
I daily live, i'th' fame I dream to see,
But by my thought of others' thought of me.

We never joy enjoy to that full point
Regret doth wish joy had enjoyed been,
Nor have the strength regret to disappoint
Recalling not past joy's thought, but its mien.
Yet joy was joy when it enjoyed was
And after-enjoyed when as joy recalled,
It must have been joy ere its joy did pass
And, recalled, joy still, since its being-past galled.
Alas! All this is useless, for joy's in
Enjoying, not in thinking of enjoying.
Its mere thougth-mirroring gainst itself doth sin.
By mere reflecting solid life destroying.
Yet the more thought we take to thought to prove
It must not think, doth further from joy move.

My love, and not I, is the egoist.
My love for thee loves itself more than thee;
Ay, more than me, in whom it doth exist,
And makes me live that it may feed on me.
In the country of bridges the bridge is
More real than the shores it doth unsever;
So in our world, all of Relation, this
Is true – that truer is Love than either lover.
This thought therefore comes lightly to Doubt's door –
If we, seeing substance of this world, are not
Mere Intervals, God's Absence and no more,
Hollow, in real Consciousness and Thought.
And if 'tis possible to Thought to bear this fruit,
Why should it not be possible to Truth?

Indefinite space, which, by co-substance night,
In one black mystery two void mysteries blends;
The stray stars, whose innumerable light
Repeats one mystery till conjecture ends;
The stream of time, known by birth-bursting bubbles;
The gulf of silence, empty even of nought;
Thought's high-walled maze, which the outed owner troubles
Because the string's lost and the plan forgot:
When I think on this and that here I stand,
The thinker of these thoughts, emptily wise,
Holding up to my thinking my thing-hand
And looking at it with thought-alien eyes,
The prayer of my wonder looketh past
The universal darkness lone and vast.

Beauty and love let no one separate,
Whom exact Nature did to each other fit,
Giving to Beauty love as finishing fate
And to Love beauty as true colour of it.
Let he but friend be who the soul finds fair,
But let none love outside the body's thought,
So the seen couple's togetherness shall bear
Truth to the beauty each in the other sought.
I could but love thee out of mockery
Of love and thee and mine own ugliness;
Therefore thy beauty I sing and wish not thee,
Thanking the Gods I long not out of place,
Lest, like a slave that for kings' robes doth long,
Obtained, shall with mere wearing do them wrong.

When in the widening circle of rebirth
To a new flesh my travelled soul shall come,
And try again the unremembered earth
With the old sadness for the immortal home,
Shall I revisit these same differing fields
And cull the old new flowers with the same sense,
That some small breath of foiled remembrance yields,
Of more age than my days in this pretence?
Shall I again regret strange faces lost
Of which the present memory is forgot
And but in unseen bulks of vagueness tossed
Out of the closed sea and black night of Thought?
Were thy face one, what sweetness will't not be.
Though by blind feeling, to remember thee!

Thought was born blind, but Thought knows what is seeing.
Its careful touch, deciphering forms from shapes,
Still suggests form as aught whose proper being
Mere finding touch with erring darkness drapes.
Yet whence, except from guessed sight, does touch teach
That touch is but a close and empty sense?
How does more touch, self-uncontented, reach
For some truer sense's whole intelligence?
The thing once touched, if touch be now omitted,
Stands yet in memory real and outward known,
So the untouching memory of touch is fitted
With sense of a sense whereby far things are shown
So, by touch of untouching, wrongly aright,
Touch' thought of seeing sees not things but Sight.

My soul is a stiff pageant, man by man,
Of some Egyptian art than Egypt older,
Found in some tomb whose rite no guess can scan,
Where all things else to coloured dust did moulder.
Whate'er its sense may mean, its age is twin
To that of priesthoods whose feet stood near God,
When knowledge was so great that 'twas a sin
And man's mere soul too man for its abode.
But when I ask what means that pageant I
And would look at it suddenly, I lose
The sense I had of seeing it, nor can try
Again to look, nor hath my memory a use
That seems recalling, save that it recalls
An emptiness of having seen those walls.

Something in me was born before the stars
And saw the sun begin from far away.
Our yellow, local day on its wont jars,
For it hath communed with an absolute day.
Through my Thought's night, as a worn robe's heard trail
That I have never seen, I drag this past
That saw the Possible like a dawn grow pale
On the lost night before it, mute and vast.
It dates remoter than God's birth can reach,
That had no birth but the world's coming after.
So the world's to me as, after whispered speech,
The cause-ignored sudden echoing of laughter.
That 't has a meaning my conjecture knows,
But that 't has meaning's all its meaning shows.

We are in Fate and Fate's and do but lack
Outness from soul to know ourselves its dwelling,
And do but compel Fate aside or back
By Fate's own immanence in the compelling.
We are too far in us from outward truth
To know how much we are not what we are,
And live but in the heat of error's youth,
Yet young enough its acting youth to ignore.
The doubleness of mind fails us, to glance
At our exterior presence amid things,
Sizing from otherness our countenance
And seeing our puppet will's act-acting strings.
An unknown language speaks in us, which we
Are at the words of, fronted from reality.

But these are thoughts or promises or but
Half the purpose of rut,
And this is lust thought-of or futureless
Or used but lust to ease.
Do ye the circle true of love pretend,
And, what Nature, intend!
Do ye actually ache
The horse of lust by reins of life to bend
And pair in love for love's creating sake!
Bellow! Roar! Stallions be or bulls that fret
On their seed's hole to get!
Surge for that carnal complement that will
Your flesh's young juice thrill
To the wet mortised joints at which you meet
The coming life to greet,
In the tilled womb that will bulge till it do
The plenteous curve of spheric earth renew!

NOTHING

The angels came and sought her.
They found her by my side.
There where her wings had brought her.
The angels took her away.
She had left their home, their God-bright day
And come by me to abide.

She loved me because love
Loves but imperfect things.
The angels came from above
And bore her away from me.
They bore her away for ever
Between their luminous wings.

'Tis true she was their sister
And near to God as they.
But she loved me because
My heart had not a sister.
They have taken her away
And this is all there was.

Red living flakes of demon snow
Poison-relate the sinning air
To atom-clear red sick flowers who
Rootless jut out of Night and There

Relation being itself a clutch
Upon the throbbing veins in seeing
So the surviving over-much
Is not contiguous to being

Yet philter-aureole or lay
Sung round the rites of altared vice
The poppies of o'er-memory may
Spin cobweb-circles lusting thrice

Around the phallic selfness stood
Midway from intellect to sense
Round whose void a tongued mist thrust-dense
To the cut lips gives conscious blood

THE BROKEN WINDOW

My heart is silent as a look.
There is a home beyond the hills.
My heart is silent as a look.
My home is there, beyond the hills.

I bear my heart like an old curse.
There is no reason for regret.
I bear my heart like an old curse.
Why should we reason or regret?

My heart dwells in me like a ghost.
Beyond the hills my hope lies dead.
My heart dwells with me like a ghost.
Beyond my hope the hills lie dead.

They took away my heart like weeds.
It was not true that I should live.
They took away my heart like weeds.
I could not think it true to live.

Now there are great stains in my heart.
They are like blood-stains on a floor.
Now there are great stains in my heart.
And my heart lies upon the floor.

The room is closed for ever now.
My heart is now buried alive.
My heart is closed for ever now.
The whole room is buried alive.

In the cool pillared portico
That gives white entrance to her moods
Start-lovely stand in a mule row
The statues of her pulchritudes.

Twelve are they and the mind doth gather
Their separate seen lives to one sense;
The thirteenth, which is all together,
Means her soul and its confluence.

Five statues mean the senses five,
Seven are her mysteries of Thought.
The thirteenth seems somehow to live
Beside her life and know it not.

The summer lies outside her shades,
The breezes creep into her halls,
And from her windowed loss the glades
Are something that the soul recalls.

She built her house with heavenly types
Of building in her inner seeing.
The sun makes the long pillars stripes
On the cold hard floors of her being.

Yet she is absent and despairing,
Her statues await her New Hour,
And from the shadows of her hearing
The whisper of the drones doth flower.

This was not anyhow nor when.
All was as cool as dreams are cool
When breezes creep up to our pain
And we are laid beside a pool,

And a far larger pool arises
In our restored imagining,
And all our body's sense despises
Our innate lack of fin and wing.

Still by her portico I stopped.
The shadows there were clear and fast.
Slightly, as with a kiss, I hoped,
And Having, like a swallow passed.

And ye, that wed to-day, guess these instincts
Of the concerted group in hints
Yourselves from Nature naturally have,
And your good future brave!
Close lips, nude arms, felt breasts and organ mighty,
Do your joy's night work rightly!
Teach them these things, O day of pomp of heat!
Leave them in thoughts such as must make the feat
Of flesh inevitable and natural as
Pissing when wish doth press!
Let them cling, kiss and fit
Together with natural wit,
And let the night, coming, teach them that use
For youth is in abuse!
Let them repeat the link, and pour and pour
Their pleasure till they can no more!
Ay, let the night watch over their repeated
Coupling in darkness, till thought's self, o'erheated,
Do fret and trouble, and sleep come on hurt frames,
And, mouthing each one's names,
They in each other's arms dream still of love
And something of it prove!
And, if they wake, teach them to recommence,
For an hour was far hence;
Till their contacted flesh, in heat o'erblent
With joy, sleep sick, while, spent
The stars, the sky pale in the East and shiver
Where light the night doth sever,
And with clamour of joy and life's young din
The warm new day come in.


Lisbon, 1913.

35 SONETS

I

Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

If that apparent part of life's delight
Our tingled flesh-sense circumscribes were seen
By aught save reflex and co-carnal sight,
Joy, flesh and life might prove but a gross screen.
Haply Truth's body is no eyable being,
Appearance even as appearance lies,
Haply our close, dark, vague, warm sense of seeing
Is the choked vision of blindfolded eyes.
Where from what comes to thought's sense of life? Nought.
All is either the irrational world we see
Or some aught-else whose being-unknown doth rot
Its use for our thought's use. Whence taketh me
A qualm-like ache of life, a body-deep
Soul-hate of what we seek and what we, weep.

EMPTINESS

The day sickens into the lake
The colour that its pallor wears.
A loss of outline overtakes
The landscape, and the horizon bears
Like a defeated flag the dim
Purposelessness of its dead rim.

Let my heart forsake everything.
I shall be richer by all I.
Every breath, each passing wing
Takes me from myself. The whole sky
Eats into my self-consciousness
And detracts from my true distress.

For my true sorrow is not that
The day is sad as I am sad,
But that no moment can abate
The pain that I but pain have had
To take with me and see and feel
While life goes by like a mere wheel.

No: vaguer things than skies and plains
Are dark and lowered o'er in me;
My sorrows are more empty pains
Than of which plains can symbols be;
And my void weight of life and self
Resembles nothing but itself.

The bridegroom aches for the end of this and lusts
To know those paps in sucking gusts,
To put his first hand on that belly's hair
And feel for the lipped lair,
The fortress made but to be taken, for which
He feels the battering ram grow large and itch.
The trembling glad bride feels all the day hot
On that still cloistered spot
Where only her nightly maiden hand did feign
A pleasure's empty gain.
And, of the others, most will whisper at this,
Knowing the spurt it is;
And children yet, that watch with looking eyes,
Will now thrill to be wise
In flesh, and with big men and women act
The liquid tickling fact
For whose taste they'll in secret corners try
They scarce know what still dry.

Even ye, now old, that to this come as to
Your past, your own joy throw
Into the cup, and with the younger drink
That which now makes you think
Of what love was when love was. (For not now
Your winter thoughts allow).
Drink with the hot day, the bride's sad joy and
The bridegroom's haste inreined,
The memory of that day when ye were young
And with great paeans sung
Along the surface of the depths of you,
You paired and the night saw
The day come in and you did still pant close,
And still the half-fallen flesh distending rose.

No matter now or past or future. Be
Lovers' age in your glee!
Give all your thoughts to this great muscled day
That like a courser tears
The bit of Time, to make night come and say
The maiden mount now her first rider bears!
Flesh pinched, flesh bit, flesh sucked, flesh girt around,
Flesh crushed and ground,
These things inflame your thoughts and make ye dim
In what ye say or seem!
Rage out in naked glances till ye fright
Your ague of delight,
In glances seeming clothes and thoughts to hate
That fleshes separate;
Stretch out your limbs to the warm day outside,
To feel it while it bide!
For the strong sun, the hot ground, the green grass,
Each far lake's dazzling glass,
And each one's flushed thought of the night to be
Are all one joy-hot unity.

In a red bacchic surge of thoughts that beat
On the mad temples like an ire's amaze,
In a fury that hurts the eyes, and yet
Doth make all things clear with a blur around,
The whole group's soul like a glad drunkard sways
And bounds up from the ground!
Ay, though all these be common people heaping
To church, from church, the bridal keeping,
Yet all the satyrs and big pagan haunches
That in taut flesh delight and teats and paunches,
And whose course, trailing through the foliage, nears
The crouched nymph that half fears,
In invisible rush, behind, before
This decent group move, and with hot thoughts store
The passive souls round which their mesh they wind,
The while their rout, loud stumbling as if blind,
Makes the hilled earth wake echoing from her sleep
To the lust in their leap.

MONOTONY

Each hot and shaded ember
Includes the outer wet.
Let us, my life, remember
Our thoughts info regret.

The meaning wind blows colder
Upon the wetted pane.
Our hearts, alas!, feel older
In seeking to live again.

The night hurts. Each red ember
To hotter redness fret!
Alas! When I remember
I wish I could forget.

What vague and cold gusts enter
My soul as by a door!
My soul is the living centre
Of dreams that are no more.

Startle yet more each ember!
Make the fire nearer yet!
How easy it is to remember
When memory means regret!

The wetting wind is higher
All round my senses lone.
My eyes leave not the fire,
My lips a vague name moan.

Shift uselessly each ember!
All our soul is regret.
We regret what we remember
And regret what we forget.

O colder and wilder blowing
The wind through the wet gloom!
On the grave of my past is glowing
A red rose in full bloom.

A darkness lakes each ember.
I stir them not, yet fret.
Our life is to remember
And our wish to forget.

My mystery comes to touch
My shoulder till I dread.
The red rose is dead. Such
As I was is now dead.

Could I wish to forget, pale ember,
Without pining or regret!
Or could I wish to remember
Without wishing to forget!

SISTER CECILY

Alas for Sister Cecily!
To whom prayeth she,
Till feet are numb and pained knees torn
And pale lips inward driven,
Eye-lifting orisons at morn,
Low-lidded prayers at even?

She prayeth to Mary Mother and Queen,
Who still hath been
Who keepeth child and maid from harm,
Our Lady with eyes of dole,
With a lily along her conscious arm
And a virgin's aureole.

For of the Virgin it is said
That she hath bled
At seven pains for her sad son
And therefore for us all,
Whose souls by heavenly hands are spun
Out of the same white wool.

So to her prayeth Cecily
That all may be
Washed pure in the perennial fount
Where the saints meet,
And given to reach the Shining Mount
Though with torn feet.

And though she know me not, nor pray
For me, oh! may
Her prayer for man's woe make me part
Of what she says,
So a vague rest fall on my heart
Because she prays.

FAR AWAY

Far away far away
Far away from here...
There's no running after joy
Or away from fear,
Far away from here.

Her lips were not very red
Nor her hair quite gold.
Her hands played with rings.
She did not let me hold
Her hands playing with gold.

She is somewhere past,
Far away from pain.
Joy can touch her not, nor hope
Enter her domain,
Neither love in vain.

Perhaps at some day beyond
Shadows and light,
She will think of me and make
All me a delight,
Far away from sight.

EPISODE

No matter what we dream,
What we dream is true.
No matter what doth seem,
God doth it view
And therefore it is
Real as all this.

No matter what we wish,
We have it elsewhere,
Now, e'er now and rich
Are we here of there.
Inside our felt I
God we self-descry.

Sometimes I think hope
May make this come true,
But I stop, I grope,
And life, fear and woe
Is all that remains.
Wherefore then these pains,

This unrest that thrills
With a possible joy,
All the pain that fills
Our hope till it cloy?
Wherefore this, wherefore
If all is unsure?

O give me a breeze
On a meadow land,
And let that breeze please
Nor I understand.
For all anguish is
A vague wish for bliss.

Io! Io! There runs a juice of pleasure's rage
Through these frames' mesh,
That now do really ache to strip and wage
Upon each others' flesh
The war that fills the womb and puts milk in
The teats a man did win,
The battle fought with rage to join and fit
And not to hurt or hit!
Io! Io! Be drunken like the day and hour!
Shout, laugh and overpower
With clamour your own thoughts, lest they a breath
Utter of age or death!
Now is all absolute youth, and the small pains
That thrill the filled veins
Themselves are edged in a great tickling joy
That halts ever ere it cloy.
Put out of mind all things save flesh and giving
The male milk that makes living!
Rake out great peals of joy like grass from ground
In your o'ergrown soul found!
Make your great rut dispersedly rejoice
With laugh or voice,
As if all earth, hot sky and tremulous air
A mighty cymbal were!

This is the month and this the day.
Ye must not stay.
Sally ye out and in warm clusters move
To where beyond the trees the belfry's height
Does in the blue wide heaven a message prove,
Somewhat calm, of delight.
Now flushed and whispering loud sally ye out
To church! The sun pours on the ordered rout,
And all their following eyes clasp round the bride:
They feel like hands her bosom and her side;
Like the inside of the vestment next her skin,
They round her round and fold each crevice in;
They lift her skirts up, as to tease or woo
The cleft hid thing below;
And this they think at her peeps in their ways
And in their glances plays.

No more, no more of church or feast, for these
Are outward to the day, like the green trees
That flank the road to church and the same road
Back from the church, under a higher sun trod.
These have no more part than a floor or wall
In the great day's true ceremonial.
The guests themselves, no less than they that wed,
Hold these as nought but corridors to bed.
So are all things, that between this and dark
Will be passed, a dim work
Of minutes, hours seen in a sleep, and dreamed
Untimed and wrongly deemed.
The bridal and the walk back and the feast
Are all for each a mist
Where he sees others through a blurred hot notion
Of drunk and veined emotion,
And a red race runs through his seeing and hearing,
A great carouse of dreams seen each on each,
Till their importunate careering
A stopped, half-hurting point of mad joy reach.

PRAYER

Our lady of Useless Tears,
Thine is my heart's best shrine.
I am sick with the gorging years,
I am drunk with the bitter wine
Of having but cares and fears,
Of knowing but how to pine.

It is useless to pray to thee,
But my heart is full of pain.
Thy glance would be charity,
Even if the look were disdain.
Give me that I may be
A child like thine again.

My sense of me is all tears.
I pity my heart too much.
O a cradle for my fears
And the hem of thy garment to clutch!
O wert thou alive and near us,
And thy hand a hand that could touch!

I do not know how to pray.
My heart is a torn pall.
See how my hair grows gray.
O teach my lips to call
On thy name night and day
As if that name were all.

My fathers' faith doth rise
To my lips this sick hour.
I pray to thee with mine eyes
Rosaries of anguish. O dower
My soul with a least sweet lies
Of thy suffering son's power!

I have forgotten the taste
Of faith, and ache for prayer.
My heart is a garden laid waste.
O thy hand on my hair
Like a mother's hand let rest
And let me die with it there!

Look how over her seeing-them-not her maids
Smile at each other their same thought of her!
Already is she deflowered in others' thoughts.
With curious carefulness of inlocked braids,
With hands that in the sun minutely stir,
One works her hair into concerted knots.
Another buttons tight the gown; her hand,
Touching the body's warmth of life, doth band
Her thoughts with the rude bridegroom's hand to be.
The first then, on the veil placed mistily,
Lays on her head, her own head sideways leaning,
The garland soon to have no meaning.
The first then, on the veil placed mistily,
Fit close the trembling feet, and her eyes see
The stockinged leg, road upwards to that boon
Where all this day centres its revelry.

Now is she issued. List how all speech pines
Then bursts into a wave of speech again!
Now is she issued out to where the guests
Look on her daring not to look at them.
The hot sun outside shines.
A sweaty oiliness of hot life rests
On the day's face this hour.
A mad joy's pent in each warm thing's hushed power.

EPITHALAMIUM

I

Set ope all shutters, that the day come in
Like a sea or a din!
Let not a nook of useless shade compel
Thoughts of the night, or tell
The mind's comparing that some things are sad,
For this day all are glad!
'Tis morn, 'tis open morn, the full sun is
Risen from out the abyss
Where last night lay beyond the unseen rim
Of the horizon dim.
Now is the bride awaking. Lo! she starts
To feel the day is home
Whose too-near night will put two different hearts
To beat as near as flesh can let them come.
Guess how she joys in her feared going, nor opes
Her eyes for fear of fearing at her joy.
Now is the pained arrival of all hopes.
With the half-thought she scarce knows how to toy.
Oh, let her wait a moment or a day
And prepare for the fray
For which her thoughts not ever quite prepare!
With the real day's arrival she's half wroth.
Though she wish what she wants, she yet doth stay
Her dreams yet merged are
In the slow verge of sleep, which idly doth
The accurate hope of things remotely mar.

DREAM

It was somewhere secluded
In silence and moon.
All like a lagoon.
No cares there intruded
Save the vague winds swoon.

Landscape intermediate
Between dreams and land.
The wind slept, calm-fanned.
The waters were weedy at
Where we plunged our hand.

We let the hand wander
In the water unseen.
Our eyes were with th' sheen
Of the moonlit meander
Of the forest scene.

There we lost the spirit
Of our still being we.
We were fairy-free,
Having to inherit
Nothing from to be.

The fairies there and the elves
Damasked their moonlit train.
There we shall awhile gain
All the elusive selves
We never can obtain.

I feel pale and I shiver.
What power of the moonlight
Tremulous under the river
Thus pains me with delight?

What spell told by the moon
Unlooses all my soul?
O speak to me! I swoon!
I fade from life's control!

I am a far spirit, e'en
In the felt place of me.
O river too serene
For my tranquillity!

O ache somehow of living!
O sorrow for something!
O moon-pain the sense-giving
That I am vainly king

In some spell-bound realm mute,
In a lunar land lone!
O ache as of a dying flute
When we would have't play on!

ELSEWHERE

Let us away my child,
Away to Elsewhere.
There days are ever mild
And fields are ever fair.

The moon that shines on whom
There wanders happy and free
Hath woven its light and gloom
Of immortality.

Seeing things there is young,
Told tales sweet as untold,
There real dream-songs are sung
By lips we may behold.

Time there's a moment's bliss,
Life a being-slaked thirst,
Love like that in a kiss
When that kiss is the first.

We need no boat, my child,
But our hopes while still fair
No rowers but fancies wild.
O let me seek Elsewhere!

THE SHINNING POOL


Go: thou hast nothing to forgive.
To dream is better than to live.

But he shall see the rising sun
Who leaveth everything undone;
Whose mind from his attention's task
Strays like the shifting of a mask.

He only shall through greener vales
Than even those that shine right through
The window-panes of children's tales
Wander, who thinks the world anew.

Only for him who sits and sings
On the stiles and forgets his road
Does the fairies' bird spread her wings
And the fairies' flowers grow more broad.

He shall not find a hand to feed
The silent sources of his need.
No one shall point the rill where he
May slake the thirst of infancy.

But greener valleys than To-Day
And dearer thoughts than Far Away
Shall tap at his window and wake
His freshness other thirsts to slake.

So, like a seamstress sitting still
At a window in the sunset
Of a village no steps have met,
He shall belong to nothing ill,

But incorporeal, like a wish,
His soul shall like a rainbow cross
The rain-green pastures of his loss
And earth shall blossom into speech.

Open the windows and the doors all wide
Lest aught of night abide,
Or, like a ship's trail in the sea, survive
What made it there to live!
She lies in bed half waiting that her wish
Grow bolder or more rich
To make her rise, or poorer, to oust fear,
And she rise as a common day were here.
That she would be a bride in bed with man
The parts where she is woman do insist
And send up messages that shame doth ban
From being dreamed but in a shapeless mist.
She opes her eyes, the ceiling sees above
Shutting the small alcove,
And thinks, till she must shut her eyes again,
Another ceiling she this night will know,
Another house, another bed, she lain
In a way she half guesses; so
She shuts her eyes to see not the room she
Soon will no longer see.

Let the wide light come through the whole house now
Like a herald with brow
Garlanded round with roses and those leaves
That love for its love weaves!
Between her and the ceiling this day's ending
A man's weight will be bending.
Lo! with the thought her legs she twines, well knowing
A hand will part them then;
Fearing that entering in her, that allowing
That will make softness begin rude at pain.
If ye, glad sunbeams, are inhabited
By sprites or gnomes that dally with the day,
Whisper her, if she shrink that she'll be bled,
That love's large bower is doored in this small way.

Now will her grave of untorn maidenhood
Be dug in her small blood.
Assemble ye at that glad funeral
And weave her scarlet pall,
O pinings for the flesh of man that often
Did her secret hours soften
And take her willing and unwilling hand
Where pleasure starteth up.
Come forth, ye moted gnomes, unruly band,
That come so quick ye spill your brimming cup;
Ye that make youth young and flesh nice
And the glad spring and summer sun arise;
Ye by whose secret presence the trees grow
Green, and the flowers bud, and birds sing free,
When with the fury of a trembling glow
The bull climbs on the heifer mightily!

Sing at her window, ye heard early wings
In whose song joy's self sings!
Buzz in her room along her loss of sleep,
O small flies, tumble and creep
Along the counterpane and on her fingers
In mating pairs. She lingers.
Along her joined-felt legs a prophecy
Creeps like an inward hand.
Look bow she tarries! Tell her: fear not glee!
Come up! Awake! Dress for undressing! Stand!
Look how the sun is altogether all!
Life hums around her senses petalled close.
Come up! Come up! Pleasure must thee befall!
Joy to be plucked, O yet ungathered rose!

Now is she risen. Look how she looks down,
After her slow down-slid night-gown,
On her unspotted while of nakedness
Save where the beast's difference from her white frame
Hairily triangling black below doth shame
Her to-day's sight of it, till the caress
Of the chemise cover her body. Dress!
Stop not, sitting upon the bed's hard edge,
Stop not to wonder at by-and-bye, nor guess!
List to the rapid birds i'th' window ledge!
Up, up and washed! Lo! she is up half-gowned,
For she lacks hands to have power to button fit
The white symbolic wearing, and she's found
By her maids thus, that come to perfect it.

THE POEM

There sleeps a poem in my mind
That shall my entire soul express.
I feel it vague as sound and wind
Yet sculptured in full definiteness.

It has no stanza, verse or word.
Ev'n as I dream it, it is not.
'Tis a mere feeling of it, blurred,
And but a happy mist round thought.

Day and night in my mystery
I dream and read and spell it over,
And ever round words' brink in me
Its vague completeness seems to hover.

I know it never shall be writ.
I know I know not what it is.
But I am happy dreaming it,
And false bliss, although false, is bliss.

LOOKING AT THE TAGUS

She led her flocks beyond the hills,
Her voice backs to me in the wind,
And a thirst for her sorrow fills
All that in me is undefined.

Spiritual lakes walled round with crags
Sleep in the hollows of her song.
There her unbathing nudeness lags
And looks on its pooled shadow long.

But what is real in all this is
Only my soul, the eve, the quay
And, shadow of my dream of this,
An ache for a new ache in me.

SUSPENSE

I dream, and strange dim powers
My shining sleep assist;
A sound as of coming showers
Creeps towards me, loudly hist;
And lo! all my forgotten hours
Lie round me like a mist.

The ghosts of my dead selves
Weave round me a false mesh;
My undreamed dreams, pale elves,
Are now part of my flesh;
And all I am my unselfing shelves
On dreams, out of my reach.

I touch impalpable things;
I am sunny with past days;
Remote sounds, like near wings,
Flank my blind spirit's ways;
And from the other side of the big hill rings
A bell that summons to praise.

But I am sick of dreaming,
Weary of being the same
Over desert spaces of seeming,
Unwilling player of a game
With life, far star but gleaming
On dead earths without name.

Fierce dreams of something else!
Frenzy to go away
(O wave in me that swells!)
From life where life must stay –
Life ever at today!

Some other place and thing!
Not a life! not mine so!
O to be a wind, a wing,
A bark me there to bring!

Whither? If I could know,
I would not wish to go.

THE WRONG CHOICE


THE NIGHT LIGHT

Nurse, I known now
That love is vain.
When I was small
You used to sing
And soothe my brow
Till calm seemed pain.
That song recall
And to me bring.

I wish to feel
Again that child
That you made sleep
Singing so low,
So low that real
Things were beguiled
To make me weep
At seeing them go.

Nurse, by my bed
Sing me again
That song. I love
Hoping for't now.
My heart has bled
Till joy seems pain.
Sing softly above
My caressed brow

O regions lost
In dreams and sleep!
O fairy tales
You did not tell,
But that were tossed
Out of the deep
Of your song's waves
And surge and spell!

Sing as if you
Were listening.
Sing as if I
Had no more world
Than all night through
Hearing you sing,
While my breath sly
On my breast curled.

Why did I live
Beyond those hours
When you sung songs
Perhaps of queens
My dream believes,
Perhaps of flowers,
Whose lost scent throngs
Through my sense-screens?

Why did I lose
What I had not
But was your voice,
My heart and night?
Why did I choose
Life, love and thought,
With a wrong choice
And a false right?

Lullaby nurse,
Again for me.
Sing 'till I find
My heart less lone,
And life, life's hearse,
Leaving dreams free,
Shrink undefined
Into the Unknown.

You are no more
My nurse that sings,
My childhood een
Made me again.
No: you are the hour
Of sleep, that brings
That scene no-scene,
That pain no-pain;

Hallowed and dim,
Brotherly night,
Wherein my soul
Is haunted past
The hollow rim
Of my delight
And the low dole
Of pain and haste;

Merged in the dark,
Sunk past the bed
Into a peace
Of being nought,
Shadowy bark
Abandoned,
Abstract release
From self and thought.

Me, Chloe, a maid, the mighty fates have given,
Who was nought to them, to the peopled shades.
Thus the gods will. My years were but twice seven.
I am forgotten in my distant glades.

From my villa on the hill I long looked down
Upon the muttering town;
Then one day drew (life sight-sick, dull hope shed)
My toga o'er my head
(The simplest gesture being the greatest thing)
Like a raised wing.

Not Cecrops kept my bees. My olives bore
Oil like the sun. My several herd lowed far.
The breathing traveller rested by my door.
The wet earth smells still; dead my nostrils are.

I conquered. Far barbarians hear my name.
Men were dice in my game,
But to my throw myself did lesser come:
I threw dice, Fate the sum.

Some were as loved loved, some as prizes prized.
A natural wife to the fed man my mate,
I was sufficient to whom I sufficed.
I moved, slept, bore and aged without a fate.

I put by pleasure like an alien bowl.
Stern, separate, mine, I looked towards where gods seem.
From behind me the common shadow stole.
Dreaming that I slept not, I slept my dream.

Scarce five years passed ere I passed too.
Death came and took the child he found.
No god spared, or fate smiled at, so
Small hands, clutching so little round.

I do not know what truth the false untruth
Of this sad sense of the seen world may own,
Or if this flowered plant bears also a fruit
Unto the true reality unknown.
But as the rainbow, neither earth's nor sky's,
Stands in the dripping freshness of lulled rain,
A hope, note real yet not fancy's, lies
Athwart the moment of our ceasing pain.
Somehow, since pain is felt yet felt as ill,
Hope hath a better warrant than being hoped;
Since pain is felt as aught we should not feel
Man hath a Nature's reason for having groped,
Since Time was Time and age and grief his measures
Towards a better shelter than Time's pleasures.

I am older than Nature and her Time
By all the timeless age of Consciousness,
And my adult oblivion of the clime
Where I was born makes me not countryless.
Ay, and dim through my daylight thoughts escape
Yearnings for that land where my childhood dreamed,
Which I cannot recall in colour or shape
But haunts my hours like something that hath gleamed
And yet is not as light remembered,
Nor to the left or to the right conceived;
And all round me tastes as if life were dead
And the world made but to be disbelieved.
Thus I my hope on unknown truth lay; yet
How but by hope do I the unknown truth get?

When I have sense of what to sense appears,
Sense is sense ere 'tis mine or mine in me is.
When I hear, Hearing, ere I do hear, hears.
When I see, before me abstract Seeing sees.
I am part Soul part I in all I touch –
Soul by that part I hold in common with all,
And I the spoiled part, that doth make sense such
As I can err by it and my sense mine call.
The rest is wondering what these thoughts may mean,
That come to explain and suddenly are gone,
Like messengers that mock the message' mien,
Explaining all but the explanation;
As if we a ciphered letter's cipher hit
And find it in an unknown language writ.

He that goes back does, since he goes, advance,
Though he doth not advance who goeth back,
And he that seeks, though he on nothing chance.
May still by words be said to find a lack.
This paradox of having, that is nought
In the world's meaning of the things it screens,
Is yet true of the substance of pure thought
And there means something by the nought it means.
For thinking nought does on nought being confer,
As giving not is acting not to give,
And, to the same unbribed true thought, to err
Is to find truth, though by its negative.
So why call this world false, if false to be
Be to be aught, and being aught Being to be?

Happy the maimed, the halt, the mad, the blind –
All who, stamped separate by curtailing birth,
Owe no duty's allegiance to mankind
Nor stand a valuing in their scheme of worth!
But I, whom Fate, not Nature, did curtail,
By no exterior voidness being exempt,
Must bear accusing glances where I fail,
Fixed in the general orbit of contempt.
Fate, less than Nature in being kind to lacking,
Giving the ill, shows not as outer cause,
Making our mock-free will the mirror's backing
Which Fate s own acts as if in itself shows;
And men, like children, seeing the image there,
Take place for cause and make our will Fate bear.

Good. I have done. My heart weighs. I am sad.
The outer day, void statue of lit blue,
Is altogether outward, other, glad
At mere being not-I (so my aches construe).
I, that have failed in everything, bewail
Nothing this hour but that I have bewailed,
For in the general fate what is't to fail?
Why, fate being past for Fate, 'tis but to have failed.
Whatever hap or stop, what matters it,
Sith to the mattering our will bringeth nought?
With the higher trifling let us world our wit,
Conscious that, if we do t, that was the lot
The regular stars bound us to, when they stood
Godfathers to our birth and to our blood.

THE MAD FIDDLER

I

THE MAD FIDDLER


THE MAD FIDDLER

Not from the northern road,
Not from the southern way
First his wild music flowed
Into the village that day.

He suddenly was in the lane,
The people came out to hear
He suddenly went, and in vain
Their hopes wished him to appear.

His music strange did fret
Each heart to wish 'twas free.
If was not a melody yet
It was not no melody.

Somewhere far away
Somewhere far outside
Being forced to live, they
Felt this tune replied.

Replied to that longing
All have in their breasts,
To lost sense belonging
To forgotten quests.

The happy wife now knew
That she had married ill,
The glad fond lover grew
Weary of loving still,

The maid and the boy felt glad
That they had dreaming only
The lone hearts that were sad
Felt somewhere less lonely.

In each soul woke the flower
Whose touch leaves earthless dust,
The soul's husband's first hour,
The thing completing us,

The shadow that comes to bless
From kissed depths unexpressed,
The luminous restlessness
That is better than rest.

As he came, he went.
They felt him but half-be.
Then he was quietly blent
With silence and memory.

Sleep left again their laughter,
Their tranced hope ceased to last,
And but a small time after
They knew not he had passed.

Yet when the sorrow of living,
Because life is not willed,
Comes back in dreams' hours, giving
A sense of life being chilled,

Suddenly each remembers –
It glows like a coming moon
On where their dream-life embers –
The mad fiddlers tune.

LYCANTHROPY

Somewhere dreams will be true.
There is a lonely lake
Moonlit for me and you
And like none for our sake.

There the dark white sail spread
To a vague wind unfelt
Shall make our sleep-life led
Towards where the waters melt

Into the black-tree'd shore,
Where the unknown woods meet
The lake's wish to be more,
And make the dream complete.

There we will hide and fade,
Emptly moon-bound all,
Feeling that what we are made
Was something musical.

There is a silence where the town was old.
Grass grows where not a memory lies below.
We that dined loud are sand. The tale is told.
The far hoofs hush. The inn's last light doth go.

We, that both lie here, loved. This denies us.
My lost hand crumbles where her breasts' lack is.
Love's known, each lover is anonymous.
We both felt fair. Kiss, for that was our kiss.

I for my city's want fought far and fell.
I could not tell
What she did want, that knew she wanted me.
Her walls be free,
Her speech keep such as I spoke, and men die,
That she die not, as I.

Life lived us, not we life. We, as bees sip,
Looked, talked and had. Trees grow as we did last.
We loved the gods but as we see a ship.
Never aware of being aware, we passed.

The work is done. The hammer is laid down.
The artisans, that built the slow-grown town,
Have been succeeded by those who still built.
All this is something lack-of-something screening.
The thought whole has no meaning
But lies by Time's wall like a pitcher spilt.

Sorrow no more for the faded rose,
Nor of the yellow lily despair.
These, as we see them, are but their shows.
They are elsewhere.

Tis but their shadow lives in our light.
As we see them (...)
They live more truly in our delight
Than in their forms.

The beauty they had was never lost,
It moved away
From the present hour and the form once tossed
Into space and day.

But the undying essence of the (...)

The rose that faded from yesterday
Is where yesterday is.
I shall have again the flower and the day,
The self and the bliss.

When slattern Time, worn out with toil of wearing,
With loose‑tied pack shall trudge upon my years,
And I shall feel that forced occasion nearing
That despair's self (that must live to be) fears,

I, being beggared of all wealth of hope -
So prodigal have I to wishes been -
Shall with known uselessness for the coin grope
To pay that the hour’s ending be serene.

I shall not enter the great silent cave
With curious ardour, or ease out of sun,
But all that with me I shall then still have
Will be a coward rage that all is done.

No hope the cave's a passage shall control
Fear of the immediate night of the shown hole.

I shall not come when thou wilt call,
        For when thou call'st I am with thee.
        When I think of thee, within me
Thyself art, and thy thought self’s all.

Thy presence is thy absence drest
        In thy body that hides thy soul.
Tis in me that thou art possessed,
        'Tis in my thoughts that thou art whole.

Outside thee, given to time and space,
        Thy body, thy mere loss to me,
Partakes of change and age and place?
        Belongs to other laws than thee.

In my dream of thee nothing changes
        Thyself to other than thou art.
        Thy corporal presence is that part
Of thee that thee from thee estranges.

Therefore call me, but await not.
        Thy voice, summed to my dreaming thee,
Shall put new beauty on that thought
        Of thy body that dwells in me.

Thy voice heard from afar shall bring
        Nearer to me thy presence dreamed.
        Brighter and clearer than it seemed
It grow'th in my imagining.

Then call no more. Thy voice twice heard
        Along the real space would be
        Too near now to reality.
Thy second voice were thy first blurred.

Call me but once. I close mine eyes
        And let the second call be dreamed,
        Thy body's vision lightly gleamed
On my seeing memory of thy cries.

The rest, eyes shut lest thou appear.
        Shall be thy clear continuance
        In my dream's constancy askance.
Keep far, keep silent, come not here,

For thou wouldst come too near for sight
        And out of my thoughts step to thee,
        Putting on thy dreamed body in me
        (Thy body's form‑dream infinite)
        Thy limit, visibility.

Into a vision before me the world
Flowered, and it as when a flag, unfurled,
Suddenly shows unknown colours and signs.
        Into an unknown meaning, evident
And unknown ever, it outspread its lines
        Of meaning to my passive wonderment.
The outward and the inward became one.
Feelings and thoughts were visible in shapes,
And flowers and trees as feelings, thoughts. Great capes
Stood out of Soul, thrust into conscious seas,
And on all this a man‑sky spoke its breeze.

Each thing was linked into each other thing
By links of being past imagining,
But visible, as if the skeleton
Were visible and the flesh round it, each one
As if a separate thing visibly alone.

There was no difference between a tree
And an idea. Seeing a river be
And the exterior river were one thing.
The bird's soul and the motion of its wing
Were an inextricable oneness made.
And all this I saw, seeing not, dismayed
With the New God this vision told me of;
For this was aught I could not speak nor love
But a new sentiment not like all others,
Nought like the human feelings, men are brothers
In feeling, woke on my astonished spirit.
With a great suddenness did this disinherit
That thought that looks through mine eyes of the pelf
Of ordered seeing that maketh it itself.

O horror set with mad joy to appal!
O self‑transcendency of all!
O inner infinity of each thing, that now
Suddenly was made visible and local, though
No manner of speech to speak these things in words

Followed that vision! Sight whose sense absurds
Likeness of like, and makes disparity
Contiguous innerly to unity!

How to express what, seen, is not expressed
To the struck sight that sees it? How to know
What comes to senses' threshold to bestow
A visible ignorance upon the knowing?
How to obey the analogy‑behest,
Community in unity to prove
The intellectual meaning of to love,
Shipwrecking difference upon the sight
Renewed from God to Inwards infinite?

Nothing: the exterior world inner expressed,
The flower of the whole vision of the world
        Into its colour of absolutely meaning
In the night unfurled,
And therefore nought unfurling, abstract, that,
        Vision self‑screening,
Patent invisible fact.

Nothing: all,
And I centre of to recall,
        As if Seeing were a god.
The rest the presence of to see,
Hollow self‑sensed infinity,
        And all my being‑not‑souled‑to‑oneness trod
To fragments in my sight‑dishevelled sight.

This Night is Light.

Beside a summer's day
        I lay me down and dreamed.
The light from far away
        In my withinned self gleamed,
An unreal true glow,
Spiritually somehow.

I saw the inner side
        Of summer, earth and morn.
I heard the rivers glide
        From Within. l was borne
To see, through mysteries,
How God everything is.

The motes of sun that dance
        Are audibly whispered.
All is an utterance.
        The sight may hear. I shed
Vision of things as things.
My thoughts are angels' wings.

The corpses of known hours
        In barks unsteered and left
Float, covered with mute flowers,
        Down my dream that is cleft
In banks of mystery ­-
This summer day and I.

And something like a greed
        And yet unlike a wish,
The power to have a need
        Which doth not needing reach,
But is dissolved again
Ere its sad joy reach pain,

A shadowy lightness woven
        Of the day and of me,
Like sparkling water driven
        Never but where we see,
A gap, a pause, a dim
Looking over things' rim,

Starts like a sudden flute
        Pastoral with tuneless notes
Out of the unseen root
        Of all my being denotes,
Spreads, till I feel it not,
O'er my lost sense of thought.

And lo! I am another.
        My senses taste not‑mine.
A hand my sight doth smother
        To a blind sight divine.
I am a lost tune, a mood
Of the finger‑tips of God.

So, like a child‑king crowned,
        I feel new with fear‑pride.
I am robed with sky and ground.
        My inmost soul's outside
Is sunlit seas and lands.
My dreams are seraphs' hands.

My thoughts are something my soul fears.
        I tremble at my very glee.
        Sometimes I feel arrive in me
A dim, a cold. a sad, a fierce
        A lust‑like spirituality.

It makes me one with all the grass.
        My life takes colour at all flowers.
The breeze that seemeth loth to pass
        Shakes off red petals from my hours
        And my heart sulters without showers.

Then God becomes a vice of mine
        And divine feelings an embrace
That sinks my senses in its wine
        And leaves no outline in my ways
Of seeing God flower, grow and shine.

My thoughts and feelings mingle and form
        A vague and hot soul‑unity.
Like a sea that expects a storm,
        A lazy ache and fret make me
A murmur like a coming swarm.

My parched thoughts mix and occupy
        Their interpresences and swell
To each others' places. I descry
        Nought in me save impossible
Mixtures of many things all I.

I am a drunkard of my thoughts.
        My feelings' juice o'erruns my soul.
        My will becomes soaked in them all.
Then life stagnates a dream and rots
        To beauty in my verses' dole.

Here in this wilderness
        Each tree and stone fills me
        With the sadness of a great glee.
God in His altogetherness
        Is whole‑part of each stone and tree.

An inner outward seeingness
        Makes my clear self unknown.
        (O Godfully alone!)
God in His overbeingness
        Survives His death each tree and every stone

Ay, in the barkness and clodfulness
        Of tree and sand and stone
        God is only His Own,
God in all His godfulness,
        Whose concrete soul's each thing's abstraction.

One day, Time having ceased,
        Our lives shall meet again,
From Place and Name released.
        Only that shall remain
Of each of us that may
Seem natural to that Day.

There we will newly love,
        Wondering at the old mood
With which love did us move,
        When pain and solitude
Were what each soul had got
For its contingent lot.

There, heaven being between us
        And touch a real thing,
The texture luminous
        Of our true lives will bring
God into our love like breath.
Nowhere will there be death.

The need to suffer and sigh,
        The inevitable cares,
The awaiting and the cry
        That goes from joy to tears -
These have no need to be
In love's eternity.

The hours shall make our love
        Grow younger, not more old.
Some trick of time shall move
        Wont even to truer gold,
Regret shall not be aught
Possible there to thought.

That region light‑suspended
        Under truer blue skies
Shall let our souls feel blended,
        Yet be true unities.
Nought shall have power to fret
Our hearts to tire of it.

A golden land where God
        Stayed a Day of His Time,
Not as the world, where not
        A moment did he abide,
And where His passing left
The sense of aught bereft.

My heart, that thinks of this,
        Pines, for it is nowhere,
And she that meets my bliss
        With her new old love there -
She is unreal as all
That to this verse I call.

Yet who knows? Perhaps this
        Is not wishing, but seeing.
Perhaps this love, this bliss,
        This conscious glad not‑being
Is some reality
Through fancy seen by me.

Perhaps it casts a spell
        From where it can be found.
What is impossible?
        Where is God's bourne and bound?
Why, if I dream this, may
Not this be mine one day?

Who knows what our dreams are?
        Who knows all that God makes?
Perhaps life doth but mar
        The immediate truth that takes
Its beauty from being dreamed.
Nothing eter merely seemed.

Somewhere where God is nearer
        These things are een now true.
Oh, let me be no fearer
        That this may not be so!
All is more strange than that
Small glimpse of it we get.

Mine eyes are wild with joy
        Because I have these thoughts.
They cannot tire nor cloy
        Because God ever allots
To each high thing the power
To weigh not on its hour.

My flower garden is
        Full of new flowers now.
My lips are kissed by bliss
        Because I know not how.
My heart fails and I swim
Within a luminous rim.

A halo of hope comes round
        My soul. I am that child
That cries: Lo! I have found
        This flower strange and wild.
The unknown flower I have
Grew on my dead dreams' grave.

A trembling sense of being
        More than my sense can hold,
A bird of feeling seeing
        The great, earth‑hidden gold
Of the approaching dawn,
A breath, a light, a swoon,

A presence interwoven
        With rays of other light,
A spell, a power untroven
        Of my more clear delight,
I faint, I fade, I seem
Myself to be my dream.

And if this be not so,
        Oh, God, make it now be!
Let me not find more woe
        Because I so dreamed Thee!
Let aught for which I pine
Merit being divine.

Let this resemble heaven
        And be my home for e'er,
Even if for e'er mean living
        But this hour really fair.
An hour in God shall be
Enough eternity.

God knows. Lie we to sleep
        Contentedly somehow,
Smiling that we did weep,
        As at an overthrow
Of kingdoms the stars, deep
        In silence, smile nor know.

God knows. And an He knew not
        And were not, what of it?
No matter that we do not
        Our life with living fit.
Glad to have sleep and tears,
        Lullaby to our fears!

The day is glad and golden.
Over the sunhit beach
The waves do gladly embolden
Their crisp and clinging reach.

Would I were one as they
With the natural hour,
With the wide sunlit day
And the ancient sea's power.

I would not be here weeping
That I am not aught else,
My waking would be a sleeping
Like this of the sea swells

Not like an outcast from
A home I never knew
Would I be pining for home,
……

Not like a tossed sea‑weed
Between the wave and the wave,
And restless with a mute greed
For something I cannot have.

Something I cannot een dream,
Some spent life I know not...
Oh how fair would nature seem
Were it not for thought!

Dark is the golden day
Unto mine eyes that stare
Brightness and joy away
From sky and shore and here.

Dead is the changing sea,
The wind a monotone,
Oh ever to be he
That never is but alone,

I cannot dream of heaven,
Nor create one in the hour...
Pass, day, and ask not even
For my grateful eyes' dower...

Under a low and sullen sky,
Frowned on by lone winds that moan by
And palely sick for light from high
Till the landscape's soul doth sigh forever,
        Forever sigh,
A black and calmness‑haunted river,
That doth a town from itself sever,
Runs with an inner fear and shiver
Like a dim fate forever nigh,
        Nigher forever.

Ay, through that landscape lapsed from dream
Into a horrid truth doth gleam
That self‑absorbed, self‑empty stream
That bears a dream of dreams' emotion
        To emotion's dream!
Runs from a land whence is no motion
Towards a possible far ocean;
And they, whose eyes anguished sans motion
Bathe in it, take emotion's dream
        For dreams' emotion.

Set out from sight of shore!
                Grow tired of every sea!
        All things are ever more
                Than most they seem to be.
What steps are those that pass outside my door?

        Fail out from shape and thought!
                Let sense and feeling fade!
        O sadness overwrought
                With joy till bliss is strayed!
What birds are those that my swift window shade?

        But be those steps no steps,
                And be those birds dreamed wings,
        Still one ache oversteps
                The life to which it clings,
Though to know what ache no step in me helps
And what this pang is no bird in me sings.

I

All things that shine are God's eyes.
        All things that move are God's speech.
        Every thing has all to teach
To our awakening surmise.

Green are God's thoughts when they are leaves,
        Yellow when sunflowers they are.
        Yet they shine separate and far
From the hands wherewith God weaves.

Light are my steps on the ground
        Yet they do echo through space,
        Through terrible abysses that face
God at the side never found.

II

My dreams are angels' kisses.
Lightly they touch my heart,
Tip‑toe shadow caresses.
They are my Godder part.

There is a flower in my hand.
It is not found in fields.
God looks and can understand,
For He is the dreamer who builds.

He knows how dreams are set up,
He knows how flowers are made glad.
Look: I hold up my cup
And God gives me wine to be mad.

Even as upon a low and cloud-domed day,
When clouds are one cloud till the horizon.
Our thinking senses deem the sun away
And say «'tis sunless» and «there is no sun»;
And yet the very day they wrong truth by
Is of the unseen sun's effluent essence,
The very words do give themselves the lie,
The very thought of absence comes from presence:
Even so deem we through Good of what is evil.
He speaks of light that speaks of absent light,
And absent god, becoming present devil,
Is still the absent god by essence' right.
The withdrawn cause by being withdrawn doth get
(Being thereby cause still) the denied effect.

I feel pale and I shiver.
        What power of the moonlight
Tremulous under the river
        Thus pains me with delight?

What spell told by the moon
        Unlooses all my soul?
O speak to me! I swoon!
        I fade from life's control!

I am a far spirit, e'en
        In the felt place of me.
O river too serene
        For my tranquillity!

O ache somehow of living!
        O sorrow for something!
O moon‑pain the sense‑giving
        That I am vainly king

In some spell‑bound realm mute,
        In a lunar land lone!
O ache as of a dying flute
        When we would have't play on!

I.
Once in a theatre comic
’Tween acts I pondered to see
On a column sculptured, wide and comic,
The grinning mask of Comedy;
And broad and wild in satyr-glee,
The grinning face of Comedy.

II.
«Ah,» said I, «face merry and comic,
There is happiness in thee,
Few faces like thine, wide-mouth'd and comic,
Oh, grinning face of Comedy;
Boisterously wrinkled, ugly and free,
The grinning mask of Comedy.»

III.
But as I gazed at the face that smiled,
With mine eyes half-dreamfully,
«Ah,» said I, «it is forced and wild,
Untrue smile of pitiless glee;
Forcedly wrinkled, unreal, unfree,
Hard-grinning mask of Comedy.»

IV.
And I trembled — now it no longer smiled,
It had forcedly smiled — now not even so.
Oh, fearful face, terribly wild,
Terribly silent face or woe;
Worn, hysterical, mad, unfree,
Woe-twisted face of Comedy.

When the lamp is broken and the shaking
        Light is for ever fled,
There is more memory of its breaking
        Than of the light it shed.
This may common be, but 'tis not glad;
It means many things and all are sad.

1.
Little flower that wert on the hill,
Where art thou to-day?
Thou that saw'st thyself in the rill
Art thou gone away?
Ah, now I see that thou art dead
And that thy charm from us is fled.

If I could carve my poems in wood,
By children they would be understood,

So near to the sense things have in God
Are both my poems and children's thought.

For a child knows that logic and meaning
Are only nothing nothing screening,

And a child is one divinely aware
That all things are toys and all things are fair,

That a thimble, a stone and a cotton‑reel
Are things we can quite divinely feel,

And that, if we make men out of those things,
They are really men, not imaginings.

I would therefore l could take my verse
Out of mere ideas and better it worse

To visible carving or drawing or what
My verses could be resembling that.

Then would I be the children's poet,
And, though perhaps I might never know it

With the outer sense that makes life sadder,
In every innocent face made gladder

God would be giving my soul the sense,
Lost back of knowledge, of recompense ­-

The sense of children more children still
When, acting my poems at their glad will,

They, playing with toys, with legs incurled,
Lightly err the visible world.

I know not whether my mind is broken
Nor do I know if my mind is ill;
I know not if love is but the last token
Of God to me, or a word unspoken
        In a chaos of will.

My thoughts are such as the mad must have
        And dead things guard my soul
Grotesque and odd are the shapes that rule
In my brain as worms in a grave

Fierce dreams of something else!
        Frenzy to go away
(O wave in me that swells!)
        From life, where life must stay -
        Life ever at to‑day!

Some other place and thing!
        Not a life! not mine so!
O to be a wind, a wing.
A bark me there to bring!

        Whither? If I could know,
        I would not wish to go.

Sometimes in the middle of life a change
Suddenly comes like an alienation
A sense of voidness enormous, strange
And a void, deep desolation.

A sense of being left alone
And more and more than abandoned
(…)
'Tis a sense half as if I were dead.

Seldom have I so inly comprehended
With a deep sense so awful and so rude
My complete being's complete solitude
In all its arid loneliness extended

So wholly solitude, so much unblended
With aught else, good or ill, that might intrude
Upon its horror limitless and nude
Whereat my reason reels, not by (...) defended.
And save it from itself (…)

The day is sad as I am sad,
But that no moment can abate
That pang that is all I have had
To take with me and see and feel
While life goes by like a mere wheel.

No. Deeper things than skies and plains
Are dark and lower'd o'er in me.
My sorrows are more empty pains
Than of which plains landscapes can symbols be.
And my own [?] weight of life and self
Resembles nothing but itself.

Sorrow sits by my side
Fondling my careless hair.
She is the lady of golden
Gestures to silence beholden.
Only she does not deride
My dreams and what makes them fair.

Now she doth cease and whisper
The use of dreams to my soul.
She tells me they mean God's blessing
The spirit's shining releasing
From the world's weight and sister
To life's unchanging whole.

When I am dead you'll write - I know you will -
A thoughtful sonnet on my early death,
In which, stating that life but wearieth,
You'll notice how I lie pale, cold, and still.

This in the quatrains, which likewise you'll fill
With some reflections on how soon goes breath
And how the cold and heavy earth beneath
There is an end to living, good or ill.

After this, in the tercets, you will say
That death's a mystery, that nought doth stay,
Perhaps that immortality is true.

Then you will sign and put the date to it.
And, having read again the sonnet, you
Will be content, seeing it is well writ.

IV

I could not think of thee as piecèd rot,
Yet such thou wert, for thou hadst been long dead;
Yet thou liv'dst entire in my seeing thought
And what thou wert in me had never fled.
Nay, I had fixed the moments of thy beauty —
Thy ebbing smile, thy kiss's readiness,
And memory had taught my heart the duty
To know thee ever at that deathlessness.
But when I came where thou wert laid, and saw
The natural flowers ignoring thee sans blame,
And the encroacbing grass, with casual flaw,
Framing the stone to age where was thy name,
I knew not how to feel, nor what to be
Towards thy fate's material secrecy.

They wear no real greatness who have faith
        In God: or Matter, in Life's In or Out.
Only perpetual doubt is truly great,
        And the pain of perpetual doubt.

Thou dost explain by Law the weaving
Of all the world, by Chance ruled ever.
I never thought Law was so living,
Nor did I deem Chance was so clever.

Here lies a tyrant whom some called a devil,
Snake-like his folds around our life he curled;
He's dead now, and the world hath no more evil,
Because there is no longer any world.

Apollo married and Hercules married, and this was in real life.
The wife of Hercules loved beautiful rather than strong men,
And strong and not beautiful men was the taste of Apollo's wife.

Friends, tread in peace, here lies the devil;
The world hath now but little evil.

On the marriage of my dear friend Mr. Jinks
(but which may with equal aptness be applied
to the marriage of many other gentlemen)

I

Ye nymphs whose beauties all your hills
                Adorn,
Embodied graces of the sun‑traced rills,
                Mourn;
For gentle Corydon henceforth,
In this hard world where all must pass,
Will feel as icy as the North.
                Alas!

II

        Ah, Corydon! Ah, Corydon!
        And hast thou left all happiness,
        Immoraled joy and whiskied liberty?
                Ah, Corydon!
        Great is our distress.
        And art thou no more free?
Bars shall be useless now. Alas! in vain
The music‑hall shall ring with voices known,
In vain the horse shall course the plain
        And the struck sparrer groan.
        And dogs and beasts and women,
        And brandy, gin and wine,
        And brutish brutes and human ­-
Oh, say, shall all these joys no more be thine?

lll

        Ah, frailness of mankind!
Thou who didst laugh at woman and didst hold
Thyself superior, now, alas! wilt find,
Amid thy waning joy and waning gold,
        Thou learnedst in a sorry school
        That taught thee to disdain
The seeming‑tender being whose dread rule
Shall now wreak on thee horrid pain.
        Too late now wilt thou learn, too late,
        When thy voice is low and humble thy gait,
        When thy soul is crushed and thy dress sedate,
The greatest of all ills the gods on humans rain.

IV

Ah, what avails all mourning? Thou art gone
From life and youth and gaudy loveliness,
From that deep rest that men call drunkenness.
        Ah, Corydon! Ah, Corydon!
        Thou the first hope of all our race
Hast left the blessed paths of peace and love.
        Ah, wilt thou be content to rove
From shop to shop with her, thy mother‑in‑law,
        Or tremble full to hear at night,
        With horror deep and deep affright.
The wordy torrent from thy spouse's jaw?

V

Oh, the troubles to come to thee can ever I dare name?
To work in the day, and at night to walk the bedroom's length,
On a seeming‑heavy baby to waste thy seeming‑waning strength,
And as the husband of thy wife to reach the light of fame.
Now my voice is broke with weeping, and mine eyes red, as with sand,
And my spirit worn with sighing, and with sighing worn my breast ­
Ah, farewell, that thou art gone now to the dreaded obscure land
Where the wicked cease from troubling and the weary never rest.